Love on Purpose

To all of my readers seeking love and a meaningful relationship, here is an amazing opportunity to get some priceless information and insights on love, dating, relationships, and intimacy! I really encourage anyone and everyone seeking to cultivate meaningful love in their life to join this live podcast. Amazing authors, speakers, and love coaches such as author John Gray of Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus, love coach Lauren Frances, inspirational author Karen Salmansohn, and many more will be speaking and sharing their secrets and insights on love!
Go to:
www.loveonpurposerevolution.com/now
Starting April 15th-May 17, Monday-Friday, 5:00PM Pacific / 7:00PM Central / 8:00PM

Enjoy! :-)

Love is a Drug... Use Wisely!

In my book, TNT: Teenage Transformation, Part 1: Dating, one of

the things I talk about is how one of the aspects of being in love is based on a chemical dependency for the person of our interest. Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. Our brains reward us with these pleasure hormones whenever we think of, or spend time with this person, and can therefore cause us to become chemically addicted to that person! Crazy, huh?

Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

There’s one hormone in particular that can cause some serious emotional damage if not properly managed or kept in its place. This hormone is called Oxytocin, and it’s released after any kind of physical or emotional intimacy, with its largest amounts released after sex. It’s been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because the surge of pleasure that Oxytocin causes is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin has been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because its pleasure release is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to. Women in particular need to be on guard of who they may become attached to, because while Oxytocin enhances the bonding and attachment levels in men 5 times their normal level after sleeping with someone, the bonding and attachment levels of women increase 12 times their normal level after sleeping with someone! Oxytocin is the reason why women typically become more attached after sex than men do. Not to say that men don’t experience attachment, it’s just that the attachment is much stronger in women than it is in men. To me, the bonding effects of Oxytocin is just scientific proof of the verses in the ancient biblical texts of Mark and Genesis when it says that "the two become one" (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2:24) in marriage, or after sex.  Sex is a uniting experience.

 

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to.

When it comes down to it, love and sex are really like a drug. They both cause our bodies to release feel good hormones just like that of an actual drug. And therefore, just like any other drug, love can have its side effects if not used with wisdom, caution, and in the proper context. Columnist, Nicole Hoelle explains the possible side-effects of this “love drug:”

“The combination of these chemicals can be particularly disruptive if there isn’t any sort of solid relationship in place. [The woman is] left flooded with chemicals which cause her to yearn for and crave this man, and even become obsessed. If the craving is not satisfied, she “crashes” and undergoes symptoms similar to those of a drug addict’s withdrawal, including depression, agitation, anxiety, irritability and despair [...] Left with an enormous emotional and physical desire for someone she cannot have, her mind and body thrown into a state of unbalance the woman only wants is to have her craving satisfied, and this can cause her to experience the symptoms, according to Dr. Helen Fisher (of Rutgers University), of someone with ‘mental illness’” (Hoelle).

The “side effects” of this “love drug,” included attachment, and possible emotional instability if a committed relationship is not set in place.

  

As you can see, the side effects of this love drug can be particularly harmful and disruptive if a committed relationship is not set in place. It’s something you might want to consider the next time you’re contemplating “casual” copulation, or sleeping with someone with whom you’re not quite sure where the relationship is going. In doing so, you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and heart-break by choosing to be wise with how you use this “love drug.”

As always, I hope you found that post useful and I wish you all a wonderful week! Take care everyone, and use your “love drug” wisely! ;-)

For more info on “The Science of Love” and how to make wise dating decisions, pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation—Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!

Photo from Karen Salmansohn’s Instant Happy

Guard your Thoughts

   It is so important to guard our thoughts and the way we perceive ourselves, because how we perceive ourselves affects everything we do.

 

“As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7).

 

The Bible tells us that, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7). This Proverb is telling us that what we believe about ourselves, what we hold to be true about ourselves, actually determines what kind of person we become.

We live in a way that is in accordance with our beliefs and what we perceive to be true.

 

You've probably heard the quote:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

And it's true; it all starts with what goes on in your mind!

Everything you do begins with a thought. And the kind of thoughts you're thinking determine what kind of actions and behavior you will have. What gets me most excited about these truths however, are all the new discoveries in the field of positive psychology which scientifically prove the truth behind these age-old wisdoms.

Shawn Achor, author of the Best-selling book The Happiness Advantage and one of the world's leading experts in happiness and human potential explains, "Studies show that simply believing we can bring about positive change in our lives increases motivation and job performance; [and] that success, in essence, becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy... Amazingly, [an individual's] belief in their own ability is an even stronger predictor of job performance [and success] than the actual level of skill or training they had." How amazing is that! An individual’s belief of whether or not they can perform a task is more powerful than their actual training or ability!

 

An individual’s belief of whether or not they can perform a task is more powerful than their actual training or ability.

Think of it this way: A person who considers themselves unattractive will likely go through life feeling a low self-esteem and negatively towards themselves, unless this person can learn to focus on their attractive qualities, and make an emphasis on their positive attitude and personality instead of their undesired physical features. If they don't change their perspective about themselves, then their belief about themselves being unattractive will be more of a hindrance then their actual suppose lack of physical appeal. It's not about the individual’s looks, but their feelings and perception about their looks which then cause them to act, perform, and behave in a way that is either beneficial and productive, or harmful and destructive.

 

Success is not so much determined by the individual’s abilities, but their feelings and perception about their abilities which then cause them to act, perform, and behave in a way that is either beneficial and productive, or harmful and destructive.

 

Let me give another example.

A person who believes they will not go anywhere in life, or believes they are an unintelligent loser with no future is going to live in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. Meaning, it is likely they will not make much of an effort to get an education, and they may fall into drugs, alcohol abuse, or other non-productive behavior, all because of their self-image and the way they perceive themselves. We are more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits if our self-image is distorted and our thinking is off-balance. If we believe that we are unsuccessful, stupid, or a loser, we will live and act in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. But, if we believe that we have the ability to succeed, triumph over circumstances, that we are loveable, and beautiful in our own way, then we will live a life that is in accordance with success, striving to be the best we can be, and living to our full potential. Numerous studies discussed in The Happiness Advantage have repeatedly proven "how strongly our beliefs can affect our abilities." Achor writes that our "beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions." How you perceive yourself and what you believe to be true about yourself are so important because they will determine how you feel, act, and ultimately the choices you make which determine the course of your life.

 

“Beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions.” –Shawn Achor

 

Remember what it says in Proverbs 27:3? "As we think in our hearts, so we become." If our self-image is distorted and our thinking is off-balance then we will be more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits. If we can learn to guard our thoughts, recognize when they get off-balance, and make continuous and gradual changes towards developing a healthy self-image and mindset, we will prevent ourselves from the possible downfall of negative self-fulfilling prophecy. As Achor explains it, "By changing the way we perceive ourselves and our work, we can dramatically improve our results." In order to begin changing the way you perceive yourself, you need to begin focusing on all your strengths and reasons as to why you will succeed rather than fail. This does not mean ignoring your weaknesses. It simply means choosing to put a positive emphasis on your strengths which will boost your confidence, self-belief, and in turn, will actually alter and improve your ability to soar to new heights and accomplish new goals--all because you changed your perspective onto your abilities and successes rather than weaknesses and failures.

 

If you’ve found any of what you read helpful or encouraging, I encourage you to pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation –Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever! where you can read more on the power of transformational thinking and positive "Transformational New Thoughts!"

Additional reading recommendations: The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor.

5 Things to Consider Before Committing

When you first begin dating someone, to avoid getting swept away by the "eromania," or excitement of romantic love, there are a few things to consider about the person you're dating or the person of your interest before becoming seriously involved. Here are a few things to consider that could make all the difference between finding lasting love or experiencing a heart-break.

 

 

 

1.       What kind of relationship do they have with their families and friends?

How the person of your interest interacts with others in their other relationships says a lot about what kind of person they are and whether or not they are capable of carrying out a healthy, loving relationship. If they have a lot of chaos and turmoil in their relationships, it may be an indication that they are not yet emotionally stable enough or mature enough to have a successful romantic relationship. It’s been said that how a person interacts with other family members (specifically opposite sex parents) determines how they will one day treat their future spouse. Watching and taking note of how the person of your interest interacts with others is important when seeking to cultivate a healthy romantic relationship.

2. How do they interact with members of the opposite sex?

Are they respectful, polite, flirtatious, or rude? How they interact with members of the opposite sex also says a lot about their ability to have a successful relationship.

 3. Are they in a position to be in a stable relationship, and do they desire one?

This question is very applicable to teens and young adults, but also any adult as well. Teenagers in particular have to ask themselves, "Is this person ready for a stable, long term relationship? Are they able to provide for a family if needed?" The chances are, that at such a young age, they are not ready for such a commitment or responsibility as providing for a household let alone themselves! If they are not prepared for this kind of serious commitment, then you have to ask yourself, "What are their intentions for me and this relationship? " If they make comments that imply they are not looking for a serious relationship, then their intentions towards you may be a little less than honest, or they simply may not be ready for the same level of commitment that you might seek. Asking yourself what kind of intentions the other person has toward you could be the difference between a relationship ending in heartbreak, or having been wise enough to protect your heart from someone who was not as serious about the relationship as you are.

4. If they are a guy, do they pay for you on your dates?

This says a lot about their willingness to provide for you. If they don’t pay for you on your dates, then it shows that they don’t really have an interest in providing for you in the long term. It may sound a bit extreme, but dating experts say this is an indication of a lack of willingness to be a provider.

5. Do they share your spirituality?

I've saved this one for last, but it is just about the most important factor to having a healthy relationship. The two most common reasons disputes in marriage occur are because of finances and religious views. Knowing and matching on what kind of religious beliefs your current or potential partner has are extremely important to a healthy relationship. You won't always agree on everything as a couple, but you should be able to agree on the areas where it matters most. If the two of you don't share the same spiritual beliefs, it could lead to major disputes down the road that affect everything from finances to how you choose to raise your children or spend your free time. The Bible stresses the importance of this when it refers to being "equally yoked," or, "equally minded" in spirituality. Please also make note that just because someone may attend church does not mean that they are equally minded with you spiritually. They may be at a different stage in their faith than you are, and it may cause problems later down the line if you discover they are not as passionate about seeking a deeper spiritual understanding as you thought they were. Having conversations about spiritual beliefs in the beginning stages of a relationship is guaranteed to save you a lot of heartache in the end.

There are obviously other very important factors that contribute to high compatibility and the success of a relationship (like financial compatibility, similarities in interest, intellect, etc.), but for the sake of this post, I’ve narrowed it down to a few of the most important ones.

I hope you found this post useful, and if you'd like to read more you can pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation, Part 1: Dating.

Additional recommended reading: Boy meets Girl, Joshua Harris; Things I'd Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, Gary Chapman.

Photo is from Karen Salmansohn's "Instant Happy: 10 Second Attitude Makeovers"

 

 

The Power of Words

“Gentle words cause life and health; griping brings discouragement” -Proverbs 15:4 (TLB)

All throughout the Bible it's evident that our words are powerful and that they hold the power to either bring life and healing, or destruction and harm. Something Jesus emphasized when he walked the earth was that we need to pay attention to, and guard what words we allow out of our mouths.

 

 

When God created the universe, the Bible tells us that "He SPOKE, and it came to be" (Psalm 33:9). Out of nothing but words, something was created. God merely said the word, and in an instant, the universe was formed. I believe that when God spoke the universe into existence, He did so as an example, in order that we may follow in His footsteps. He could have merely thought the world into existence, but He specifically chose to SPEAK it, as an example for the power of our words. His word tells us that, "Your Words reflect your fate. Either you will be justified by them, or you will be condemned" (Matthew 12:37) and that, "the power of life and death are in the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). That's quite some power! Our words have the power to build up, or destroy, to encourage, or tear down, and God wants us to use our words in a way that is most beneficial--in a way that is edifying to God, those around us, and our very own lives. Ephesians 4:29 lovingly instructs us "[not to] use foul or abusive language." But to instead, "let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." The words we speak should reflect our faith. They should be words of love and kindness so that they will be of a benefit to those around us.

"The power of life and death are in the tongue" -Proverbs 18:21

When Jesus calmed the raging seas, He spoke and commanded them to calm down. In Matthew 4:39 we are told that “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."

 

Before David defeated Goliath, he spoke words of victory out loud by telling Goliath, “You come against me with sword and spear, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down... and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands” (1 Samuel 17:45-47). How awesome is that! David spoke words of victory before it even happened! His words were a reflection of his faith in God.

Let your words be a reflection of your faith.

Like David, God has given us power in the words we choose to speak. He has given us the ability to use destructive words of harm, or life-giving words of encouragement and faith. The Bible tells us that as humans, we have been created in God's image and likeness (Genesis 1:27) and therefore as His children, we've inherited some of the rights to use God's power for His glory. He's given us power in our words to use them for good or evil.

"Your Words reflect your fate" -Matthew 12:37

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that "those who love to talk will suffer the consequences." And that, we must learn to be "quick to listen and slow to speak" (James 1:19). This week I challenge you to live according the verse in Ephesians 4:29. To "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." In other words, to guard your tongue and what words you permit out of your mouth. To say ONLY that which is beneficial and edifying. To speak words that build up instead of tear down. I challenge you to do this not only in the way you speak to others, but also in the way you speak to yourself and about your own life. Don't be the kind of person that's always speaking words of complaint and defeat. Instead, be like David, who even before he saw victory in his life, spoke words of victory OUT LOUD and IN ADVANCE! In other words, speak bold words of faith! Speak in a way knowing that God is on your side, and that through Him your battles are already won!

Speak in a way knowing that God is on your side, and that through Him your battles are already won!

Take-away Verses:

"The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do... It always ready to spill out deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it breaks out into curses. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! " -James 3:5-15

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29