Guard your Thoughts

   It is so important to guard our thoughts and the way we perceive ourselves, because how we perceive ourselves affects everything we do.

 

“As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7).

 

The Bible tells us that, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7). This Proverb is telling us that what we believe about ourselves, what we hold to be true about ourselves, actually determines what kind of person we become.

We live in a way that is in accordance with our beliefs and what we perceive to be true.

 

You've probably heard the quote:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

And it's true; it all starts with what goes on in your mind!

Everything you do begins with a thought. And the kind of thoughts you're thinking determine what kind of actions and behavior you will have. What gets me most excited about these truths however, are all the new discoveries in the field of positive psychology which scientifically prove the truth behind these age-old wisdoms.

Shawn Achor, author of the Best-selling book The Happiness Advantage and one of the world's leading experts in happiness and human potential explains, "Studies show that simply believing we can bring about positive change in our lives increases motivation and job performance; [and] that success, in essence, becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy... Amazingly, [an individual's] belief in their own ability is an even stronger predictor of job performance [and success] than the actual level of skill or training they had." How amazing is that! An individual’s belief of whether or not they can perform a task is more powerful than their actual training or ability!

 

An individual’s belief of whether or not they can perform a task is more powerful than their actual training or ability.

Think of it this way: A person who considers themselves unattractive will likely go through life feeling a low self-esteem and negatively towards themselves, unless this person can learn to focus on their attractive qualities, and make an emphasis on their positive attitude and personality instead of their undesired physical features. If they don't change their perspective about themselves, then their belief about themselves being unattractive will be more of a hindrance then their actual suppose lack of physical appeal. It's not about the individual’s looks, but their feelings and perception about their looks which then cause them to act, perform, and behave in a way that is either beneficial and productive, or harmful and destructive.

 

Success is not so much determined by the individual’s abilities, but their feelings and perception about their abilities which then cause them to act, perform, and behave in a way that is either beneficial and productive, or harmful and destructive.

 

Let me give another example.

A person who believes they will not go anywhere in life, or believes they are an unintelligent loser with no future is going to live in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. Meaning, it is likely they will not make much of an effort to get an education, and they may fall into drugs, alcohol abuse, or other non-productive behavior, all because of their self-image and the way they perceive themselves. We are more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits if our self-image is distorted and our thinking is off-balance. If we believe that we are unsuccessful, stupid, or a loser, we will live and act in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. But, if we believe that we have the ability to succeed, triumph over circumstances, that we are loveable, and beautiful in our own way, then we will live a life that is in accordance with success, striving to be the best we can be, and living to our full potential. Numerous studies discussed in The Happiness Advantage have repeatedly proven "how strongly our beliefs can affect our abilities." Achor writes that our "beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions." How you perceive yourself and what you believe to be true about yourself are so important because they will determine how you feel, act, and ultimately the choices you make which determine the course of your life.

 

“Beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions.” –Shawn Achor

 

Remember what it says in Proverbs 27:3? "As we think in our hearts, so we become." If our self-image is distorted and our thinking is off-balance then we will be more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits. If we can learn to guard our thoughts, recognize when they get off-balance, and make continuous and gradual changes towards developing a healthy self-image and mindset, we will prevent ourselves from the possible downfall of negative self-fulfilling prophecy. As Achor explains it, "By changing the way we perceive ourselves and our work, we can dramatically improve our results." In order to begin changing the way you perceive yourself, you need to begin focusing on all your strengths and reasons as to why you will succeed rather than fail. This does not mean ignoring your weaknesses. It simply means choosing to put a positive emphasis on your strengths which will boost your confidence, self-belief, and in turn, will actually alter and improve your ability to soar to new heights and accomplish new goals--all because you changed your perspective onto your abilities and successes rather than weaknesses and failures.

 

If you’ve found any of what you read helpful or encouraging, I encourage you to pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation –Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever! where you can read more on the power of transformational thinking and positive "Transformational New Thoughts!"

Additional reading recommendations: The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor.

The Power of Words

“Gentle words cause life and health; griping brings discouragement” -Proverbs 15:4 (TLB)

All throughout the Bible it's evident that our words are powerful and that they hold the power to either bring life and healing, or destruction and harm. Something Jesus emphasized when he walked the earth was that we need to pay attention to, and guard what words we allow out of our mouths.

 

 

When God created the universe, the Bible tells us that "He SPOKE, and it came to be" (Psalm 33:9). Out of nothing but words, something was created. God merely said the word, and in an instant, the universe was formed. I believe that when God spoke the universe into existence, He did so as an example, in order that we may follow in His footsteps. He could have merely thought the world into existence, but He specifically chose to SPEAK it, as an example for the power of our words. His word tells us that, "Your Words reflect your fate. Either you will be justified by them, or you will be condemned" (Matthew 12:37) and that, "the power of life and death are in the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21). That's quite some power! Our words have the power to build up, or destroy, to encourage, or tear down, and God wants us to use our words in a way that is most beneficial--in a way that is edifying to God, those around us, and our very own lives. Ephesians 4:29 lovingly instructs us "[not to] use foul or abusive language." But to instead, "let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." The words we speak should reflect our faith. They should be words of love and kindness so that they will be of a benefit to those around us.

"The power of life and death are in the tongue" -Proverbs 18:21

When Jesus calmed the raging seas, He spoke and commanded them to calm down. In Matthew 4:39 we are told that “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."

 

Before David defeated Goliath, he spoke words of victory out loud by telling Goliath, “You come against me with sword and spear, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down... and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands” (1 Samuel 17:45-47). How awesome is that! David spoke words of victory before it even happened! His words were a reflection of his faith in God.

Let your words be a reflection of your faith.

Like David, God has given us power in the words we choose to speak. He has given us the ability to use destructive words of harm, or life-giving words of encouragement and faith. The Bible tells us that as humans, we have been created in God's image and likeness (Genesis 1:27) and therefore as His children, we've inherited some of the rights to use God's power for His glory. He's given us power in our words to use them for good or evil.

"Your Words reflect your fate" -Matthew 12:37

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that "those who love to talk will suffer the consequences." And that, we must learn to be "quick to listen and slow to speak" (James 1:19). This week I challenge you to live according the verse in Ephesians 4:29. To "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." In other words, to guard your tongue and what words you permit out of your mouth. To say ONLY that which is beneficial and edifying. To speak words that build up instead of tear down. I challenge you to do this not only in the way you speak to others, but also in the way you speak to yourself and about your own life. Don't be the kind of person that's always speaking words of complaint and defeat. Instead, be like David, who even before he saw victory in his life, spoke words of victory OUT LOUD and IN ADVANCE! In other words, speak bold words of faith! Speak in a way knowing that God is on your side, and that through Him your battles are already won!

Speak in a way knowing that God is on your side, and that through Him your battles are already won!

Take-away Verses:

"The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do... It always ready to spill out deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it breaks out into curses. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! " -James 3:5-15

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

 

If You're Single and Looking...

If you’re single and have been looking for and desiring a relationship, then I want to propose a challenge to you: Instead of “searching” and looking for that special someone, work on instead becoming that special someone for someone else to find. Instead of “searching” and looking for that special someone, work on instead becoming that special someone for someone else to find.

You’ve probably heard this before, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with keeping a look out for that special someone. The problem occurs when our search overrides the amount of time and energy we spend on actually improving ourselves. Many relationship problems occur because neither person believes that they have to change, they both are under the impression that their own way is right. If we carry this mentality when we are single, there’s a sure chance we’ll also carry it into our relationships as well. When it comes down to it, relationships are really about practicing humility and servant-hood. Instead of searching for someone to meet our needs, we need to change our focus onto how we can improve ourselves so that we can be a better partner for someone else someday. When it comes to solving relationship problems, you can’t change the other person, but you can change yourself--and that change needs to start while you're single.

Ask yourself, “Am I the kind of person that my ideal mate is looking for?”

To clarify the importance of what I mean by this: Ask yourself, “Am I the kind of person that my ideal partner is looking for?” If you’re honest, you may admit that there’s a little self-improvement you can do to prepare and grow yourself into becoming the kind of person that your ideal mate would like to find. Maybe you need to begin taking some action steps by hitting the gym, or start by being a little more disciplined in your finances. Maybe you seek someone with spirituality, but you aren’t living out that spirituality in your own life. No matter what stage of life you’re in, no matter how much money you have, or how great you may think you are, the fact is, there’s always room for improvement! By changing your focus off of finding “the one” and instead onto becoming “the one” you increase your chances of not only finding someone who values what you value, but who is also living out those values in their own life as well. Not only that, but your time of self-improvement will serve the relationship well when it does come time for you to be in one. In addition, the continual and constant steps you make towards self-improving will make you ridiculously irresistible to a number of suitors/suitresses. It’s like Karen Salmansohn of Instant Happy said, “ 'Sexy’ isn’t about what you wear. It’s about how you feel. The more passion you feel for yourself and your life, the more passion others will feel for you.” I know from experience and testimony this is absolutely true. The more you live in accordance with what you value, the more you continue to pursue the things in life which you are passionate about, and the more you continue to make steps towards improvement, the more people will notice those changes and feel a sense of attraction for you because people can sense the positive changes you're making, and you are living in a way that is inspiring to others.

Don’t wait for someone else to make you happy. You can be happy right now.

Another thing I’d like to mention, is that many single people carry

the mentality that only when they are finally in a relationship will they be fulfilled and happy. This is a complete fallacy! Circumstances like relationship status, finances, and career may provide a temporary satisfaction when new, but as the newness wears off, the person who was initially unhappy will revert right back to their old state of discontentment. The reason for this, as the field of positive psychology has repeatedly proven, is that our mood is primarily based not upon circumstances, but our perspective about our circumstances. So unless you change your perspective about yourself and your temporary state of singleness, I can assure you that you’re not going to find someone to make you completely happy! Yes, it’s true that healthy relationships can bring us joy—we were created for relationships, and it’s good to have them. However it is not true that there is one human being that can fully fulfill and satisfy every one of our needs. We’re only human! Nobody can do that! We’re placing on them a burden that only God can fulfill. I’ve known many who search for love in the affection and attention of others, only to end up stuck in a cycle of revolving-relationships, and never happy because they base their love off of what someone else thinks of them, or how someone else treats them. What they fail to realize is that they must first learn to have a healthy self-love for themselves before getting into a relationship. Otherwise, they will be constantly taking and never able to give. They will be needy and dependent upon the other person in order to feel loved because they don’t already feel it for themselves. And a relationship that is based on dependence is certainly not a healthy one. You want to be in a relationship where both people are satisfied in their lives and at a point where they can both mutually give and receive love and affection. If you don’t love yourself, how can you fully love an other? Have a healthy love and appreciation for yourself first, before seeking out a relationship. If you don't have this kind of self- love, appretiation, and self- respect, it's likely you may end up settling for someone who doesn't show you the love you deserve because you don't think that you deserve any better. It's for this reason that many get trapped in emotionally or physically abusive relationships: They don't have enough self-love or self-respect to believe that they deserve or can do any better.

Rather than seeking out love in a human who will love you imperfectly, seek love out in God's perfect love. Find your value and self-worth in Him.

The bottom line is that if you aren’t loving yourself, appreciating yourself, or having fun enjoying your life while you are single, being in a relationship with another person won’t provide that for you.

Learn to love yourself. If you don’t learn love yourself and treat yourself right first, no one will.

Action steps:

1.       Work on becoming the kind of person that your ideal partner is looking for. Ask yourself, “What kind of person is my dream-girl/guy looking for?”

You can: Take self-improvement courses, work on accomplishing some of your goals, do some spring cleaning, make some wardrobe adjustments (this does not have to be expensive or excessive), make some changes in your finances, diet, how you spend your time, etc.

2.       Find fulfillment where you are in your own life right now. Don’t wait for someone else to make you happy. Enjoy your singleness! (It’s a time, that for many, will only come once! So enjoy it while you can!)

You can:  Spend more quality time with friends, take a trip, pick up a hobby, go dancing, go laser-tagging, take a hike, enjoy life, read a book, cook, go scuba diving, whale watching, walk on the beach, buy yourself flowers, exercise, laugh more, watch more movies, learn a new language, set a goal and accomplish it, whatever you find enjoyable and productive, do that! If you don’t learn love yourself and treat yourself right first, no one will.

 

If you found any of what you've read useful or inspirational, you pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation Part 1: Dating.

 

Additional recommendations: Too Close, Too Soon, Jim Talley & Bobbie Reed; The Heart of Love, Dr. John Demartini; The Soulmate Secret, Arielle Ford

 

Have a great week everyone! ;-)