How to Learn New Behaviors, Create New Habits, and Cultivate Positive Change that Lasts

Whether it’s sticking to a diet, attempting to learn a new language or instrument, spend less money, exercise more, or actually stick with your New Year’s resolutions, there are some very important things to know about the human psyche before conquering any feat or accomplishing any goal—and this post will help you make simple adjustments in your life that will help you get closer to achieving your goals with efficacy and swiftness.

1.       Create New Habits

When it comes to making any behavioral change, we must start by

changing our habits. The "father of American Psychology," Physician, and Philosopher William James said we are "mere bundles of habit," biologically prone to routine. Aristotle explained this by expressing: "We are what we repeatedly do." It is true that we are creatures of habit, and the majority of our day consists of doing things that come naturally to us because we've made them habitual; as a result, these things come to us fairly easily and effortlessly. We don’t need to put much conscious effort into brushing our teeth, or driving to work, and the same is true of behaviors we make habitual. The issue lies within actually transforming a desired behavior from a painstakingly effort-driven goal, into an easy, effortless habit. Luckily for you, the following tips will teach you how to do just that!

2.       Know that Will power alone is not enough

When we desire to create lasting change, we must know that will power is not enough. In fact, not only is will power not enough, but psychological studies prove that the more will-power is used, the more our ability to utilize it is weakened. Participants in a study who were told they were not permitted to eat the chocolate chip cookies sitting on the plate in front of them while attempting to solve a difficult puzzle gave up on the feat much faster in contrast to those who were told they could eat the cookies if they wished. Rather than attempting to change a behavior through will power alone, there are a few things we can do to make our journey through self-improvement a bit easier: 

3.       Strive for Progress, Not for Perfection

There is a practice known as “kaizen” which is Japanese for “continuous improvement.” Far too often we put stringent, binding, and unattainable goals with ridiculous time restraints that end up making us feel trapped or like failures when we fail to accomplish them. While it’s important to push the limits of possibility by stretching our goals and striving for excellence, it’s equally important not to expect immediate results all at once. As Achor puts it, “[Our goals should be] not so easy that we don’t have to try, but not so difficult that we get discouraged and give up.” Rather than attempting to stick to strict, self-imposed rules and regulations, the key should be to strive for “kaizen,” or “continuous improvement.”

William James described this as making "daily strokes of effort." This concept brings truth to the maxim: "Practice makes perfect." In striving for progress, not perfection, we take the pressure not to fail off of ourselves and make the growth process much more enjoyable.

4.       Put The Desired Behavior On The Path Of Least Resistance, and The Undesired Behaviors on the Path of Greatest Resistance

In his book, The Happiness Advantage, Sean Achor describes the “20 second rule” which shows that creating a 20 second barrier between you and your undesired behavior, and a 20 second shortcut to the desired habit generates lasting change. The reason for this is because the more resistance we face in trying to create a new habit, the less likely we are to implement change towards creating that habit. And vice versa, the less resistance we face, the more likely we are to change. The same goes for undesired behaviors as well. When we create barriers to our undesired behaviors, we are less likely to engage in them. Implementing the 20 second rule and using it to your advantage may look something like taking out the batteries from your remote control in order to watch less television, or leaving books or instruments readily accessible and out in the open where you are more likely to pick them up as they are in your direct vision. Achor even described sleeping in his gym clothes until he made early-morning work-outs an indispensable practice.

5.       Take Baby Steps, Not Grandeur Leaps

We’re much more likely to give up on our goals if we set unrealistic expectations. We can’t write a book before writing a page, and we can’t run a marathon before running a mile. The point is that we should start small, and work our way onto larger feats. Achor refers to this as “expanding our circles,” like Zorro practiced fighting enemies from a small circle until he was strong and capable enough to move out of that restricted area. This way, we don’t run the risk of becoming completely overwhelmed by the task at hand and are less likely to give up because we are taking small steps rather than wearing ourselves out through grandeur leaps. If you’re trying to eat healthier, simply start by adding more fruits and vegetables into your diet rather than going cold-turkey on junk food and feeling like you’re restricting yourself (remember what I said in Point #2 about wearing out our will power!). If you’re trying to save more money, start by putting a few dollars aside every week rather than pressuring yourself to save hundreds at a time. (You get the idea). Small, consistent changes are what yield lasting, positive results in our lives.

As always, I hope you found these tips useful and informative. I hope you discovered a new-found sense of courage in taking on your goals, and may these tools bring some ease to you on your journey towards self-improvement! :-) 
Much Love,
Brigitte
xo

The Purpose of Pain

Let’s face it: Life is tough. It’s full of its ups and downs, moments of triumph and victories, as well as low points of despair and hopelessness. As difficult as acknowledging and accepting these less-desirable moments of difficulty and distress can be, we can take heart in knowing that pain, like all things in this life, has a purpose—and an important one too. In fact, if it weren't for pain, there’s a good chance you wouldn't be alive right now.

To feel pain is human, it is what helps keep you alive, and it is what keeps you moving forward…

If you don’t believe me, just take a look at nature. The universe thrives on contrasts and propels forward through discomfort. A mother must experience birthing pains before giving life, a caterpillar must strain to break free of its cocoon before transforming into a butterfly, a muscle must become sore before it can strengthen and grow, and so on. And while the topic of pain may not be a popular one, I think it’s important that we acknowledge it, accept it, and learn to have a healthy understanding of it: After all, pain tis a part of life. Before becoming resentful towards the suffering you may be facing in your life, I hope you take a look at this post to see for yourself how pain is not only important, but vital, and maybe even gain a healthy appreciation for adversity. Here are a few of the “Purposes” of pain, or reasons why I have come to see pain as an important part of life.

1. Pain is an indication something is wrong.

Pain tends to be thought of as a bad or negative thing, but it is actually quite useful and important. When we experience pain in the human body, it is an indication that something is not right and needs to be fixed. In fact, for parents whose children have the inability to experience pain and are stricken with CIPA (or Congenital Insensitivity to Pain), their child’s inability to feel pain becomes their worst nightmare. The reason for this is because the inability to feel pain creates a whole host of potentially deadly issues. People with CIPA have commonly died from things like appendicitis because they were not able to recognize, diagnose, and treat their symptoms before it was too late. It is clear that pain, as uncomfortable as it might be, can actually protect us, and even save our lives! This is true on a physical plane, but on an emotional one as well.  Pain lets us know when something is wrong, so that we can do something to change it. Similar to feeling physical pain, experiencing emotional pain shows us that something in our lives is not right. Our thoughts may be out of balance and constantly focused on the negative, we may be obsessed with past circumstances we cannot change, we may be dwelling on what we lack rather than what we are grateful for, we may have toxic people in our lives that are draining our energy and dragging us down, or we may be failing to live out our life’s purpose and calling—and as a result, we feel emotional pain or discomfort. Once recognizing the pain, the next step is to take action in changing it. Pain gets a bad rep, but in reality it is extremely important because it allows us to recognize and diagnose what is wrong so that we can make a change!

2. Pain is an indication of growth. You may not remember the pain your joints experienced as a preteen when you were growing into your adult body, but you may remember the muscle pain you are still experiencing from working out at the gym last week! The point is, that Pain can also be an indication of growth, and often it is the times we are experiencing the most spiritual, mental, and emotional growth that we experience the most pain. The key is to recognize this pain for what it is and come to a place of acceptance, and even gratitude for the lesson life’s pains will teach us. The Bible says in Romans 5:3 (TLB) that “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don't try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete" James 1:3-4 (TLB). “

I find it interesting that stroke victims were once encouraged by their therapists to use the side of their bodies that were strongest, and to avoid any use of the weaker side. Now, the exact opposite is true. Scientists have found that when recovering stroke patients force themselves to use their weaker side to brush their hair, pick up their coffee mug, and other simple tasks that are seemingly impossible at first, the patients create new neural pathways and feedback loops in the brain that allow the recovering patients to not only heal, but become stronger than ever. The same is true of our emotional, mental, and spiritual growth. When we avoid opposition and choose the path of least resistance we inhibit growth and rob ourselves of the gems of knowledge, character, and withstanding compassion and integrity that life's lessons of adversity have to offer. It is true that in our pain we grow, and though the path of most resistance may be a difficult one, its fruits are sweet and it's outcome rewarding.

3. Pain teaches us invaluable life lessons and prepares us for a position of leadership. Similar to my previous point, it is clear that some of our greatest life lessons come out of our greatest moments of discouragement, desperation, and despair. Pain can be used to our advantage when we choose to see challenges not just as hindrances, but as blessings and invaluable life lessons in-disguise. Time and time again, history, experience, and even science has shown us that it is adversity that helps shape us into becoming stronger, better, more grounded, compassionate, and humble people. Surely facing a storm is never a comfortable thing, but you can take heart in knowing that for every cloud there IS a silver lining if we just choose to look for it. I love  what psychiatrist, pioneer in grief, and author of On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross discovered in her findings, she writes:

 “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

If you are suffering right now from some sort of pain, be it emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual, I want you to take heart in knowing that the pain you experience is not in vain. In fact, when you feel resentful of suffering, remember that it is those who face difficult hardship that are being prepared for a place of leadership. Don't give up. Remember that Jesus’ "suffering made Him a perfect leader" (Hebrews 2:10). I’ve learned that the path to greatness is not for the faint of heart, and rather than allowing ourselves to be beaten down by life’s struggles, we can choose to see the adversity in this life as “training ground” for the good that has yet to come. Time and time again, history has shown us that it is those who face the most difficulty that rise to the top when they choose to use their pain and failures as fuel to their success. When you feel resentful of suffering, remember that it is those who face difficult hardship that are being prepared for a place of leadership. Don't give up.

4. Pain brings us closer to others.

Not only does hardship prepare us for a position of leadership, but the Bible and life experience show us that pain also brings us closer to other people. When we ourselves experience suffering, we learn compassion, empathy, sympathy, and sensitivity to the pain of others. Because we know what it feels like to suffer, we are more apt to being concerned and loving towards those who are suffering also. 2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us that “He [God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” In other words, our greatest pains often end up becoming our greatest sources of encouragement and inspiration to others. Nobody can better relate to and encourage someone else who is experiencing a hardship than someone who has faced that very same hardship as well.

5. Pain brings us closer to God.

As difficult as this point may be to grasp, the Bible is clear that “God sometimes uses sorrow in our lives to get us to turn away from sin and seek eternal life” (2 Corinthians 7:10).  It’s true that when we are high and mighty we are less likely to seek the love of an almighty savior than when we are down on our knees.

We may do nothing to “deserve” the suffering we are experiencing, yet God allows us to experience it for the sake of growing in spiritual strength, integrity, humility, compassion, and closeness with Him. The apostle Paul has said that God had given him a “thorn” in his flesh, a “demon to prick [his] pride” because some of the things Paul experienced were so amazing that God did not want Him becoming haughty or filled with self-righteousness, vanity, or conceit.  Paul even said that he had begged and pleaded with God to take away this "thorn," that God would not. Though that may sound cruel, God did it to keep Paul humble, grounded, and constantly seeking Him. In fact, God’s response to Paul’s request was: “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).  God’s power is shown most effectively through us when we are weakest. It was because of this realization that Paul was then able to rejoice in his suffering, exclaiming: "I will gladly boast in my weakness, for in my weakness, HIS STRENGTH is most apparent! For when I am weak, then I am strong, the less I have, the more I depend on Him" (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Finally, I’d like to add, that just as parents most parents often attempt to shelter their children from hardship and suffering, it is the very thing that can keep them alive. For those who can feel no pain (CIPA), parents must teach their children what pain feels like. I find it ironic that the very thing we tend to avoid in any possible way (pain) could be the very thing that saves our lives and keeps us breathing. What would life be like without any physical or emotional pain? 

If you are a Christian, you probably know that the Bible tells us that “the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives” (Hebrew 12:6). Think of a parent that loves their child. They wouldn’t allow their children to get away with anything and everything. They would discipline their children when they need it in order that their children may grow up to have character, integrity, be honest, loyal, and trustworthy. Just as parents discipline their children when they love them and want the best for them, so God does for us. What kind of God would He be if He never allowed us to experience discomfort? We are told in Proverbs 3:12 that “the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” Sometimes we experience pain because God is trying to get our attention and teach us something. This is not always the case, as even people who strive to honor God will suffer just as those who do not. However, we can take heart in knowing that the hardships we face are not in vain, but are teaching us, growing us, preparing us, and bringing us closer to God and those around us.

I hope you found this post encouraging and have gained a new-found ability to cope with pain and maybe even be appreciative of the silver lining that comes with the cloud :-) I wish you all a wonderful week, and I will keep all of my readers in my prayers this week, especially those of you who are experiencing a phase of hardship. All my love I send to you, 

Brigitte