Love on Purpose

To all of my readers seeking love and a meaningful relationship, here is an amazing opportunity to get some priceless information and insights on love, dating, relationships, and intimacy! I really encourage anyone and everyone seeking to cultivate meaningful love in their life to join this live podcast. Amazing authors, speakers, and love coaches such as author John Gray of Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus, love coach Lauren Frances, inspirational author Karen Salmansohn, and many more will be speaking and sharing their secrets and insights on love!
Go to:
www.loveonpurposerevolution.com/now
Starting April 15th-May 17, Monday-Friday, 5:00PM Pacific / 7:00PM Central / 8:00PM

Enjoy! :-)

Love is a Drug... Use Wisely!

In my book, TNT: Teenage Transformation, Part 1: Dating, one of

the things I talk about is how one of the aspects of being in love is based on a chemical dependency for the person of our interest. Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. Our brains reward us with these pleasure hormones whenever we think of, or spend time with this person, and can therefore cause us to become chemically addicted to that person! Crazy, huh?

Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

There’s one hormone in particular that can cause some serious emotional damage if not properly managed or kept in its place. This hormone is called Oxytocin, and it’s released after any kind of physical or emotional intimacy, with its largest amounts released after sex. It’s been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because the surge of pleasure that Oxytocin causes is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin has been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because its pleasure release is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to. Women in particular need to be on guard of who they may become attached to, because while Oxytocin enhances the bonding and attachment levels in men 5 times their normal level after sleeping with someone, the bonding and attachment levels of women increase 12 times their normal level after sleeping with someone! Oxytocin is the reason why women typically become more attached after sex than men do. Not to say that men don’t experience attachment, it’s just that the attachment is much stronger in women than it is in men. To me, the bonding effects of Oxytocin is just scientific proof of the verses in the ancient biblical texts of Mark and Genesis when it says that "the two become one" (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2:24) in marriage, or after sex.  Sex is a uniting experience.

 

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to.

When it comes down to it, love and sex are really like a drug. They both cause our bodies to release feel good hormones just like that of an actual drug. And therefore, just like any other drug, love can have its side effects if not used with wisdom, caution, and in the proper context. Columnist, Nicole Hoelle explains the possible side-effects of this “love drug:”

“The combination of these chemicals can be particularly disruptive if there isn’t any sort of solid relationship in place. [The woman is] left flooded with chemicals which cause her to yearn for and crave this man, and even become obsessed. If the craving is not satisfied, she “crashes” and undergoes symptoms similar to those of a drug addict’s withdrawal, including depression, agitation, anxiety, irritability and despair [...] Left with an enormous emotional and physical desire for someone she cannot have, her mind and body thrown into a state of unbalance the woman only wants is to have her craving satisfied, and this can cause her to experience the symptoms, according to Dr. Helen Fisher (of Rutgers University), of someone with ‘mental illness’” (Hoelle).

The “side effects” of this “love drug,” included attachment, and possible emotional instability if a committed relationship is not set in place.

  

As you can see, the side effects of this love drug can be particularly harmful and disruptive if a committed relationship is not set in place. It’s something you might want to consider the next time you’re contemplating “casual” copulation, or sleeping with someone with whom you’re not quite sure where the relationship is going. In doing so, you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and heart-break by choosing to be wise with how you use this “love drug.”

As always, I hope you found that post useful and I wish you all a wonderful week! Take care everyone, and use your “love drug” wisely! ;-)

For more info on “The Science of Love” and how to make wise dating decisions, pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation—Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!

Photo from Karen Salmansohn’s Instant Happy

5 Things to Consider Before Committing

When you first begin dating someone, to avoid getting swept away by the "eromania," or excitement of romantic love, there are a few things to consider about the person you're dating or the person of your interest before becoming seriously involved. Here are a few things to consider that could make all the difference between finding lasting love or experiencing a heart-break.

 

 

 

1.       What kind of relationship do they have with their families and friends?

How the person of your interest interacts with others in their other relationships says a lot about what kind of person they are and whether or not they are capable of carrying out a healthy, loving relationship. If they have a lot of chaos and turmoil in their relationships, it may be an indication that they are not yet emotionally stable enough or mature enough to have a successful romantic relationship. It’s been said that how a person interacts with other family members (specifically opposite sex parents) determines how they will one day treat their future spouse. Watching and taking note of how the person of your interest interacts with others is important when seeking to cultivate a healthy romantic relationship.

2. How do they interact with members of the opposite sex?

Are they respectful, polite, flirtatious, or rude? How they interact with members of the opposite sex also says a lot about their ability to have a successful relationship.

 3. Are they in a position to be in a stable relationship, and do they desire one?

This question is very applicable to teens and young adults, but also any adult as well. Teenagers in particular have to ask themselves, "Is this person ready for a stable, long term relationship? Are they able to provide for a family if needed?" The chances are, that at such a young age, they are not ready for such a commitment or responsibility as providing for a household let alone themselves! If they are not prepared for this kind of serious commitment, then you have to ask yourself, "What are their intentions for me and this relationship? " If they make comments that imply they are not looking for a serious relationship, then their intentions towards you may be a little less than honest, or they simply may not be ready for the same level of commitment that you might seek. Asking yourself what kind of intentions the other person has toward you could be the difference between a relationship ending in heartbreak, or having been wise enough to protect your heart from someone who was not as serious about the relationship as you are.

4. If they are a guy, do they pay for you on your dates?

This says a lot about their willingness to provide for you. If they don’t pay for you on your dates, then it shows that they don’t really have an interest in providing for you in the long term. It may sound a bit extreme, but dating experts say this is an indication of a lack of willingness to be a provider.

5. Do they share your spirituality?

I've saved this one for last, but it is just about the most important factor to having a healthy relationship. The two most common reasons disputes in marriage occur are because of finances and religious views. Knowing and matching on what kind of religious beliefs your current or potential partner has are extremely important to a healthy relationship. You won't always agree on everything as a couple, but you should be able to agree on the areas where it matters most. If the two of you don't share the same spiritual beliefs, it could lead to major disputes down the road that affect everything from finances to how you choose to raise your children or spend your free time. The Bible stresses the importance of this when it refers to being "equally yoked," or, "equally minded" in spirituality. Please also make note that just because someone may attend church does not mean that they are equally minded with you spiritually. They may be at a different stage in their faith than you are, and it may cause problems later down the line if you discover they are not as passionate about seeking a deeper spiritual understanding as you thought they were. Having conversations about spiritual beliefs in the beginning stages of a relationship is guaranteed to save you a lot of heartache in the end.

There are obviously other very important factors that contribute to high compatibility and the success of a relationship (like financial compatibility, similarities in interest, intellect, etc.), but for the sake of this post, I’ve narrowed it down to a few of the most important ones.

I hope you found this post useful, and if you'd like to read more you can pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation, Part 1: Dating.

Additional recommended reading: Boy meets Girl, Joshua Harris; Things I'd Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, Gary Chapman.

Photo is from Karen Salmansohn's "Instant Happy: 10 Second Attitude Makeovers"

 

 

If You're Single and Looking...

If you’re single and have been looking for and desiring a relationship, then I want to propose a challenge to you: Instead of “searching” and looking for that special someone, work on instead becoming that special someone for someone else to find. Instead of “searching” and looking for that special someone, work on instead becoming that special someone for someone else to find.

You’ve probably heard this before, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with keeping a look out for that special someone. The problem occurs when our search overrides the amount of time and energy we spend on actually improving ourselves. Many relationship problems occur because neither person believes that they have to change, they both are under the impression that their own way is right. If we carry this mentality when we are single, there’s a sure chance we’ll also carry it into our relationships as well. When it comes down to it, relationships are really about practicing humility and servant-hood. Instead of searching for someone to meet our needs, we need to change our focus onto how we can improve ourselves so that we can be a better partner for someone else someday. When it comes to solving relationship problems, you can’t change the other person, but you can change yourself--and that change needs to start while you're single.

Ask yourself, “Am I the kind of person that my ideal mate is looking for?”

To clarify the importance of what I mean by this: Ask yourself, “Am I the kind of person that my ideal partner is looking for?” If you’re honest, you may admit that there’s a little self-improvement you can do to prepare and grow yourself into becoming the kind of person that your ideal mate would like to find. Maybe you need to begin taking some action steps by hitting the gym, or start by being a little more disciplined in your finances. Maybe you seek someone with spirituality, but you aren’t living out that spirituality in your own life. No matter what stage of life you’re in, no matter how much money you have, or how great you may think you are, the fact is, there’s always room for improvement! By changing your focus off of finding “the one” and instead onto becoming “the one” you increase your chances of not only finding someone who values what you value, but who is also living out those values in their own life as well. Not only that, but your time of self-improvement will serve the relationship well when it does come time for you to be in one. In addition, the continual and constant steps you make towards self-improving will make you ridiculously irresistible to a number of suitors/suitresses. It’s like Karen Salmansohn of Instant Happy said, “ 'Sexy’ isn’t about what you wear. It’s about how you feel. The more passion you feel for yourself and your life, the more passion others will feel for you.” I know from experience and testimony this is absolutely true. The more you live in accordance with what you value, the more you continue to pursue the things in life which you are passionate about, and the more you continue to make steps towards improvement, the more people will notice those changes and feel a sense of attraction for you because people can sense the positive changes you're making, and you are living in a way that is inspiring to others.

Don’t wait for someone else to make you happy. You can be happy right now.

Another thing I’d like to mention, is that many single people carry

the mentality that only when they are finally in a relationship will they be fulfilled and happy. This is a complete fallacy! Circumstances like relationship status, finances, and career may provide a temporary satisfaction when new, but as the newness wears off, the person who was initially unhappy will revert right back to their old state of discontentment. The reason for this, as the field of positive psychology has repeatedly proven, is that our mood is primarily based not upon circumstances, but our perspective about our circumstances. So unless you change your perspective about yourself and your temporary state of singleness, I can assure you that you’re not going to find someone to make you completely happy! Yes, it’s true that healthy relationships can bring us joy—we were created for relationships, and it’s good to have them. However it is not true that there is one human being that can fully fulfill and satisfy every one of our needs. We’re only human! Nobody can do that! We’re placing on them a burden that only God can fulfill. I’ve known many who search for love in the affection and attention of others, only to end up stuck in a cycle of revolving-relationships, and never happy because they base their love off of what someone else thinks of them, or how someone else treats them. What they fail to realize is that they must first learn to have a healthy self-love for themselves before getting into a relationship. Otherwise, they will be constantly taking and never able to give. They will be needy and dependent upon the other person in order to feel loved because they don’t already feel it for themselves. And a relationship that is based on dependence is certainly not a healthy one. You want to be in a relationship where both people are satisfied in their lives and at a point where they can both mutually give and receive love and affection. If you don’t love yourself, how can you fully love an other? Have a healthy love and appreciation for yourself first, before seeking out a relationship. If you don't have this kind of self- love, appretiation, and self- respect, it's likely you may end up settling for someone who doesn't show you the love you deserve because you don't think that you deserve any better. It's for this reason that many get trapped in emotionally or physically abusive relationships: They don't have enough self-love or self-respect to believe that they deserve or can do any better.

Rather than seeking out love in a human who will love you imperfectly, seek love out in God's perfect love. Find your value and self-worth in Him.

The bottom line is that if you aren’t loving yourself, appreciating yourself, or having fun enjoying your life while you are single, being in a relationship with another person won’t provide that for you.

Learn to love yourself. If you don’t learn love yourself and treat yourself right first, no one will.

Action steps:

1.       Work on becoming the kind of person that your ideal partner is looking for. Ask yourself, “What kind of person is my dream-girl/guy looking for?”

You can: Take self-improvement courses, work on accomplishing some of your goals, do some spring cleaning, make some wardrobe adjustments (this does not have to be expensive or excessive), make some changes in your finances, diet, how you spend your time, etc.

2.       Find fulfillment where you are in your own life right now. Don’t wait for someone else to make you happy. Enjoy your singleness! (It’s a time, that for many, will only come once! So enjoy it while you can!)

You can:  Spend more quality time with friends, take a trip, pick up a hobby, go dancing, go laser-tagging, take a hike, enjoy life, read a book, cook, go scuba diving, whale watching, walk on the beach, buy yourself flowers, exercise, laugh more, watch more movies, learn a new language, set a goal and accomplish it, whatever you find enjoyable and productive, do that! If you don’t learn love yourself and treat yourself right first, no one will.

 

If you found any of what you've read useful or inspirational, you pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation Part 1: Dating.

 

Additional recommendations: Too Close, Too Soon, Jim Talley & Bobbie Reed; The Heart of Love, Dr. John Demartini; The Soulmate Secret, Arielle Ford

 

Have a great week everyone! ;-)

TNT Quote of the Day

"When you feel like parts of your life are falling apart, it’s because you are in the demolition stage of the re-construction process of your life. God is preparing to build something much better in your life than what was there before.” –Dr. Bruce Bell

“I am making all things new.” -Jesus (Revelation 21:5)

 

 

From TNT: TeeNage Transformation --Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!