5 Things to Consider Before Committing

When you first begin dating someone, to avoid getting swept away by the "eromania," or excitement of romantic love, there are a few things to consider about the person you're dating or the person of your interest before becoming seriously involved. Here are a few things to consider that could make all the difference between finding lasting love or experiencing a heart-break.

 

 

 

1.       What kind of relationship do they have with their families and friends?

How the person of your interest interacts with others in their other relationships says a lot about what kind of person they are and whether or not they are capable of carrying out a healthy, loving relationship. If they have a lot of chaos and turmoil in their relationships, it may be an indication that they are not yet emotionally stable enough or mature enough to have a successful romantic relationship. It’s been said that how a person interacts with other family members (specifically opposite sex parents) determines how they will one day treat their future spouse. Watching and taking note of how the person of your interest interacts with others is important when seeking to cultivate a healthy romantic relationship.

2. How do they interact with members of the opposite sex?

Are they respectful, polite, flirtatious, or rude? How they interact with members of the opposite sex also says a lot about their ability to have a successful relationship.

 3. Are they in a position to be in a stable relationship, and do they desire one?

This question is very applicable to teens and young adults, but also any adult as well. Teenagers in particular have to ask themselves, "Is this person ready for a stable, long term relationship? Are they able to provide for a family if needed?" The chances are, that at such a young age, they are not ready for such a commitment or responsibility as providing for a household let alone themselves! If they are not prepared for this kind of serious commitment, then you have to ask yourself, "What are their intentions for me and this relationship? " If they make comments that imply they are not looking for a serious relationship, then their intentions towards you may be a little less than honest, or they simply may not be ready for the same level of commitment that you might seek. Asking yourself what kind of intentions the other person has toward you could be the difference between a relationship ending in heartbreak, or having been wise enough to protect your heart from someone who was not as serious about the relationship as you are.

4. If they are a guy, do they pay for you on your dates?

This says a lot about their willingness to provide for you. If they don’t pay for you on your dates, then it shows that they don’t really have an interest in providing for you in the long term. It may sound a bit extreme, but dating experts say this is an indication of a lack of willingness to be a provider.

5. Do they share your spirituality?

I've saved this one for last, but it is just about the most important factor to having a healthy relationship. The two most common reasons disputes in marriage occur are because of finances and religious views. Knowing and matching on what kind of religious beliefs your current or potential partner has are extremely important to a healthy relationship. You won't always agree on everything as a couple, but you should be able to agree on the areas where it matters most. If the two of you don't share the same spiritual beliefs, it could lead to major disputes down the road that affect everything from finances to how you choose to raise your children or spend your free time. The Bible stresses the importance of this when it refers to being "equally yoked," or, "equally minded" in spirituality. Please also make note that just because someone may attend church does not mean that they are equally minded with you spiritually. They may be at a different stage in their faith than you are, and it may cause problems later down the line if you discover they are not as passionate about seeking a deeper spiritual understanding as you thought they were. Having conversations about spiritual beliefs in the beginning stages of a relationship is guaranteed to save you a lot of heartache in the end.

There are obviously other very important factors that contribute to high compatibility and the success of a relationship (like financial compatibility, similarities in interest, intellect, etc.), but for the sake of this post, I’ve narrowed it down to a few of the most important ones.

I hope you found this post useful, and if you'd like to read more you can pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation, Part 1: Dating.

Additional recommended reading: Boy meets Girl, Joshua Harris; Things I'd Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, Gary Chapman.

Photo is from Karen Salmansohn's "Instant Happy: 10 Second Attitude Makeovers"