Love is a Drug... Use Wisely!

In my book, TNT: Teenage Transformation, Part 1: Dating, one of

the things I talk about is how one of the aspects of being in love is based on a chemical dependency for the person of our interest. Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. Our brains reward us with these pleasure hormones whenever we think of, or spend time with this person, and can therefore cause us to become chemically addicted to that person! Crazy, huh?

Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

There’s one hormone in particular that can cause some serious emotional damage if not properly managed or kept in its place. This hormone is called Oxytocin, and it’s released after any kind of physical or emotional intimacy, with its largest amounts released after sex. It’s been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because the surge of pleasure that Oxytocin causes is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin has been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because its pleasure release is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to. Women in particular need to be on guard of who they may become attached to, because while Oxytocin enhances the bonding and attachment levels in men 5 times their normal level after sleeping with someone, the bonding and attachment levels of women increase 12 times their normal level after sleeping with someone! Oxytocin is the reason why women typically become more attached after sex than men do. Not to say that men don’t experience attachment, it’s just that the attachment is much stronger in women than it is in men. To me, the bonding effects of Oxytocin is just scientific proof of the verses in the ancient biblical texts of Mark and Genesis when it says that "the two become one" (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2:24) in marriage, or after sex.  Sex is a uniting experience.

 

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to.

When it comes down to it, love and sex are really like a drug. They both cause our bodies to release feel good hormones just like that of an actual drug. And therefore, just like any other drug, love can have its side effects if not used with wisdom, caution, and in the proper context. Columnist, Nicole Hoelle explains the possible side-effects of this “love drug:”

“The combination of these chemicals can be particularly disruptive if there isn’t any sort of solid relationship in place. [The woman is] left flooded with chemicals which cause her to yearn for and crave this man, and even become obsessed. If the craving is not satisfied, she “crashes” and undergoes symptoms similar to those of a drug addict’s withdrawal, including depression, agitation, anxiety, irritability and despair [...] Left with an enormous emotional and physical desire for someone she cannot have, her mind and body thrown into a state of unbalance the woman only wants is to have her craving satisfied, and this can cause her to experience the symptoms, according to Dr. Helen Fisher (of Rutgers University), of someone with ‘mental illness’” (Hoelle).

The “side effects” of this “love drug,” included attachment, and possible emotional instability if a committed relationship is not set in place.

  

As you can see, the side effects of this love drug can be particularly harmful and disruptive if a committed relationship is not set in place. It’s something you might want to consider the next time you’re contemplating “casual” copulation, or sleeping with someone with whom you’re not quite sure where the relationship is going. In doing so, you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and heart-break by choosing to be wise with how you use this “love drug.”

As always, I hope you found that post useful and I wish you all a wonderful week! Take care everyone, and use your “love drug” wisely! ;-)

For more info on “The Science of Love” and how to make wise dating decisions, pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation—Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!

Photo from Karen Salmansohn’s Instant Happy

It's All About Focus!

I had a revelation one day as I was studying tissues while working in the biology lab. I realized that just as whatever point I chose to focus my microscope on would immediately become magnified and larger, so it goes the same with our focus in life. I realized that it's whatever we choose to set our focus on that becomes most important, grand, or large in our life.

Life is like looking through a microscope: What you choose to focus on is what will be magnified!

It's like this: Have you ever met someone who you thought was initially attractive, until they told you how horribly self-conscious they were of the extremely small mole on the side of their cheek? All of a sudden, the once-attractive qualities you perceived in the other person seem small compared to the suddenly gargantuan mole hanging off the side of their face! Or maybe you've experienced the distraction of sitting in class and listening to the instructor, until someone points out how loud the air conditioner sounds. All of a sudden, it becomes seemingly impossible to focus on anything but the ridiculously loud hum of the A.C! The reason for this is because your focus changed. It changed from the attractive qualities of a person, to their not-so attractive qualities. It changed from listening to the voice of your professor, to the loud hum of the A.C. Nothing changed circumstantially. Nothing changed except what you were focusing on.

You hold the power and the key to utilize your Focus to the best of your advantage.

Most top athletes know the importance of monitoring their focus. Instead of choosing to focus on the physical pain they feel, they change their focus onto how great their victory will be for having been so disciplined. They focus on bettering themselves, on shaping and transforming their body into a winning machine! Like athletes, you too hold the power to utilize your focus to the best of your advantage. Either you can choose to focus on all the things you are lacking in your life, and as a result feel depressed, discouraged, and hopeless. Or, you can choose to choose to focus on all the things you have to be grateful for--no matter how small; whether it is the roof over your head, the fact that you're alive, or your amazing ability to read this post--and as a result, feel immensely blessed, grateful, joyful, productive, and happy! You can focus on your immense work load and feel stressed, or you can choose to focus on how good it will be once you get your work done. You can focus on how lonely you may feel, or you can change your focus onto making someone else's day and as a result feel great for having made a selfless contribution that benefitted someone else. I hope you can see how extremely important monitoring your focus is, and that you have the power to CHOOSE and CHANGE what you focus on.

You have the power to CHOOSE and CHANGE what you focus on.

I want you to try this: Look around the room and within 10 seconds, try to find as many brown objects as possible. Ready? Go!

Finished?

Okay, now without looking around the room again, try telling me all the blue things that you saw.
I can guarantee that you're not able to list nearly as many blue things as you were able to list brown things. And why is that? It's because you were too busy focusing on all the brown to recognize any of the blue! Life is the same way. Please don't miss out on seeing all the wonderful "blue" because you were far too busy being concerned with all the muck and "brown." Enjoy each moment to its fullest by learning to monitor what you focus on! It is a habit that will benefit you, your life, and those around you (positive people bring others up) for years to come!

Don't miss out on all the "blue" because you're too busy focusing on all the "brown!"

Action Steps:
1. Gratitude List
There are a couple things you can do to drastically change your focus for the better. The first thing you can do is make a gratitude list. Every morning when you wake up, write down at least 3-5 new things that you're grateful for and review the list again at night.
2. Help Someone in Need
Second, you can change your focus off of yourself and onto someone else! If you're feeling miserable with your current circumstances there may be a chance that you've become overly absorbed with the problems you’re facing. There's a famous quote that says something like, "the best way to solve your problems is by helping someone else solve theirs." Taking the time to help someone else out of their loneliness, struggles, or hurt helps you get your focus off of yourself and onto someone else, and your problems immediately become much less daunting.

I hope you found this information useful, inspirational, and practical to every-day life. If you'd like more inspiration, you can pick up a copy of my book TNT:TeeNage Transformation --Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!

Have a great week everybody! ;-)

Be Kind To Yourself

 

Something I've realized over the years is that we often tend to be

our own worse self-depretiating critics. We can tend to be the harshest on ourselves and sometimes we need to cut ourselves a break! If you read one of my

previous posts on fighting the "ANTs" with "TNT" then you already know that our brain tends to automatically generate negative thoughts--something Doctor Daniel Amen refers to in his book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, as "Automatic Negative Thoughts" or, "ANTs." I like to combat those negative thoughts with something I refer to as, "Transformative New Thoughts"--the kind of thinking that has powerful, transformative implications on you and the way you live!

 In Karen Salmansohn's book "Instant Happy: 10 Second Attitude Makeovers" she challenges us to "talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you love." I bet you'd start being a lot nicer to yourself and ignoring those negative "ANTs" if you imagined you were talking to a loved one and not just yourself! This week I challenge you to tell yourself one nice compliment each day, and whenever you get a negative thought and start feeling down on yourself, to combat that with a positive thought about yourself in it's place.If you need help reminding yourself of how awesome and amazing you are, then you can always refer to the Biblical affirmations I compiled at the end of this post (click here) to remind yourself of who God says you are and how wonderful He thinks you are!

Have a great week everyone! :)

 

Photo is from Karen Salmansohn's "Instant Happy: 10 Second Attitude Makeovers"

For more info on Transformational New Thinking you can read TNT: TeeNage Transformation--Explosive Ideas that Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever

 

Get HAPPY!

In addition to what I mentioned in my last post, there are several powerful yet simple, easy, and effective things you can begin doing to reduce the stress and sorrow in your life--and help you maintain a positive outlook on life. If you’re feeling stressed by your life, depressed and discourage, and feel as if there is nothing good to focus on, then I have some tips that are clinically proven to change the way you think, feel, and perceive. Follow these tips, and I promise you will notice a drastic change in the way your productivity levels, energy levels, as well as the way you think, feel, and act! Not surprisingly, these tips which have been scientifically proven to raise happiness levels are also biblical truths that wisely advise us as to how to live our best, most fulfilling, joy-filled, and productive life! (Just as God intended it!) Next to each tip I’ve included the scriptural reference just in case you’d like to refer to it.

1. Practice gratitude.Make a gratitude list. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for drastically improves your mind frame. Write down at least 3 new things you have to be grateful for each morning, and review and meditate on it at night (See Psalm 92:2, Ephesians 5:20, 1 Thessalonians 5:18).

“Every morning tell Him, ‘Thank you for your kindness,’and every evening rejoice in all his faithfulness” (Psalm 92:2).

“Always give thanksto God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus” (Ephesians 5:20).

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

2. Pray or Meditate.Studies show prayer and meditation increase left prefrontal cortex growth and strengthening in the brain. The left prefrontal cortex just so happens to be the part of our brain most responsible for our happiness levels. Prayer and meditation also promotes a sense of peace and focus in the midst of a bustling world (See Philippians 4:6). Meditation is a powerful tool in calming the brain and promoting well-being, but even more so when the focus of the meditation is Love.

“Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything and with Thanksgiving make your requests known to God" (Philippians 4:6).

3. Do a random act of kindness. There's a part of the brain which is stimulated (it's known as the vagus nerve--often reffered to as "the nerve of compassion")  and promotes the release of endorphins when we do an act of kindness towards another individual, or even witness someone doing something kind for someone else. (The Bible is FULL of scriptures encouraging acts of kindness, generosity, love, and selflessness. It’s no wonder God instructs us to live this way: Not only does being kind and generous make us happier, but there is a law of reciprocity, or “sowing and reaping”—others may know it as “karma” –which occurs when we choose to give out of love and generosity. (Please don't be mistaken, being generous doesn't just mean giving all of your money away! You can be generous with the time that you give even if it means doing something as simple as lending someone a helping hand with loading groceries in their car or even striking up a conversation with someone at lunch who always sits alone--kindness does not have to relate to giving soley of your money--it comes in all shapes and forms). This means when you are kind to others, you are blessed for it. See Proverbs 22:9, Luke 6:38, Philippians 2:4, James 2:17, Matthew 25:35-40, 1 John 3:17, Luke 6:35)

“The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor” (Proverbs 22:9).

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38).

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great” (Luke 6:35).

4. Live in Love.Promote love and act out of love in your life, rather than hate or bitterness. Forgive. People who love and forgive have shown to be healthier, more positive, optimistic, and even have a lower blood pressure and a lower likelihood of becoming sick from a chronic illness. (Another thing God’s word is adamant about is LOVE. Love is the bottom line, the essential, and the main purpose and reason for our faith. See John 15:12, John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:8, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:14, Matthew 6:14, Ephesians 4:32).

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

‘Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:8).

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of faults” (1 Peter 4:8).

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

5. Exercise. It releases endorphins and promotes a sense of productivity and healthy self-esteem. It just so happens to release a chemical in our bodies known as PEA (or Phenethylamine--the same chemical released after sex and in chocolate). Although the Bible doesn’t say that much about physical fitness, it does talk about taking care of our bodies because they are a temple (see 1 Corinthians 3:17) Now more than ever physical exercise has become necessary to staying healthy because of the fast-paced, yet sedentary lifestyle we live.

6. Journal. Journaling about 1 positive thing you've experienced in the past 24 hours allows you to relive it (This comes back to focus—see Philippians 4:8).

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil. 4:8).

God Knows Best

“Who can know the LORD's thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” -1 Corinthians 2:16, Romans 11:24

I had a revelation this morning when I was cooking myself some breakfast. As usual, my fluffy little Maltese toy poodle was eagerly watching me hoping for a piece of food to drop to the floor. I looked at her beady little eyes and said, “No Belle, you can’t have any. It will make you sick!” As I sat down to eat, Belle followed me, eyes fixed on my food as she groaned, begged, barked, and made puppy eyes at me. “No Belle,” I said. I looked at her round little fluffy face and said, “Belle, do you know how much I love you?  I can’t give this to you because it’s not good for you.” Just then it hit me. There have been countless times where I have groaned, begged, and even cried to God over something I desperately wanted, and which I would get frustrated when I didn’t get.

My puppy could never fully comprehend how much I love her. She knows she is loved because she is fed, groomed, and well taken care of. But her little puppy brain could never grasp the full extent of just how much we care about her. I realized at that moment, that it is the same with us and God. We could never fully grasp the extent of His love for us—it is just too great for our human minds to comprehend. And when He does not grant us certain requests, He does it for our own good. He’s not doing it to be mean! He has a reason for it—and a good one too!

When we think we really want or need something, just like my puppy really wanted my food, we may fail to realize that if God withholds something from us, that it is after our best interest. Just as I would not give my precious little pup any food that would make her sick, sometimes the Lord withholds certain things from us because He doesn’t want us becoming spiritually, emotionally, or mentally sick. He wants the very best for us—and often times the things we ask for, although we may think are the best, are not really the very best.  I want to encourage you by letting you know that if there is something that you have been praying for, begging for, asking for, pleading for, and have not yet seen an answer to—consider this: That God wants the absolute best for you, and that maybe what you are asking for is not the very best of what He has in store for you. I challenge you to start asking God to show you what He wants for your life, and to help you let go of anything that may not be the very best for your life. I pray that He grants you the patience to hold out for His very best, and to also gain the wisdom to discern the best from the not-so-good things of what He has in store for your life. One of my favorite things to say is, “Never settle for less because you’re too afraid to hold out for God’s best.” Keep patiently waiting, and God will bless you with His very best!

Remind yourself of Isaiah 55:9, where God tells us that “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways HIGHER (better, more wonderful) than YOUR ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

His thoughts and plans toward us far surpass anything we could have thought up or planned on our own. Remember that His thoughts and plans for us are so much greater than we can even imagine! Trust in Him, because He wants the very best for you! J