The Pygmalion Effect–How Your Self-Perception Alters Your Reality

What Kind of Person do you think you are? How do you perceive yourself to be?

What if I told you that how you answer this question determines the outcome of your life? 

How you see yourself is of absolute importance because it affects everything that you do. How we see ourselves determines what kind of goals we set, what kind of thoughts we think, how we act and behave, and what decisions we make.

To start off, I'm going to give a little lesson in Roman legend 101. According to Roman legend, a sculptor by the name of Pygmalion had envisioned a woman so remarkably beautiful he could not help but bring his vision to life through his gift of sculpting. His sculpture was more than beautiful; in fact, it embodied every ideal, hope, dream, possibility, and meaning that Pygmalion held. It wasn’t before long that Pygmalion fell in love with his idealistic sculpture, so much so that he bargained with the goddess of love, Venus, to bring her to life. And according to the legend, she did.

Now what does this have to do with you and I you might ask? Well, like Pygmalion, who brought his sculpture to life simply through the power of his belief, you and I have the power to bring to life certain traits within others and within ourselves simply based on how we perceive others and ourselves. In positive psychology, this power of belief is referred to as “The Pygmalion Effect,” and its implications reveal that our belief in another person’s potential, or our own, actually brings that potential to life.  

To further explain, I’ll share a little story with you: Back when I was in high-school, there was a classroom clown cracking jokes and causing apparent disruption to the classroom. Instead of simply asking the kid to be quiet, giving him a pink slip, or kicking him out of the class, the teacher told him to hold out his right hand and turn it over. The student did said procedure as the teacher responded, “Good, now at least I know you can flip burgers at McDonald’s, because that’s what you’re going to be doing the rest of your life.” What this teacher may or may not have realized at the time, was that he was speaking prophetic words of negativity into this child’s life. Rather than kindly encouraging the class-clown to pay attention, he publicly belittled and humiliated him, and sure enough, a couple years later, that kid had dropped out of high-school and began flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Here’s another example: A new teacher was given the names of her students as well as their locker numbers. She mistakenly took these numbers as each of her pupil’s IQ scores. Consequently, she spent the rest of the school year under the impression that each one of her students was an utter genius, and her verbal and non-verbal actions communicated that quite clearly to each of her students. By the end of the year, the school’s principle called the teacher into his office asking, “What on earth did you do to get these kids’ test scores so incredibly high?” Her response was, “Well sir, they are genius.’” “And how would you know that?” he replied. “Well because of their IQ scores you gave me in the beginning of the year!” she returned. With a grin and a shake of the head he said, “Those weren’t their IQ scores, those were their locker numbers!”  

Story upon story, study upon study continues to prove the dramatic effect our beliefs have when it comes to influencing others. Our beliefs in others can either discourage them to sink into failure, or encourage them to rise up and realize their full-potential. The same is true of ourselves. The way we see ourselves determines how we act, behave, what we say and think, what kind of goals we set (if we believe we are destined for failure, the bar will be set very low, and vice versa) and what kind of decisions that we make. If we don’t believe we can do something, what’s the point in us even trying in the first place?

Why did my high-school friend, the class clown, drop out of high school? Because he listened to what he was told and didn’t believe he could do anything else with his life. A student who doesn’t believe they will ever amount to anything is more likely to drop out or get poor grades. Why even try in the first place? A young girl who doesn’t have much self-worth or self-value is more likely to seek love in the wrong places, because she doesn’t think she can do any better or is worth any better. A husband who is constantly nagged by his wife is going to feel as if there’s no point to doing anything nice for her at all.

When we encourage others, when we help others to see their unlimited potential, we are aiding in bringing that potential to life. When we listen to self-degrading thoughts of negativity and failure, we are only hindering our future. When we chose to seek our strong areas, improve on our weak ones, and know that the potential within each of us is unlimited, we are creating a future that is bright, meaningful, and completely fulfilled and purposeful.

As Sean Achor puts it, “When we believe we can do more and achieve more (or when others believe It for us), that is often the precise reason we do achieve more.” Science has barely begun to glimpse into all of the remarkable ways our mindset actually shapes and determines the objective world around us.

It is truly proof of the timeless wisdom that, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7).

Now let me ask again, “Who do you believe you are?”

I hope you answer differently, or at least a little more positively knowing that how you answer will be reflected in  how you behave, live, the goals you set, the thoughts you think, the words you speak, and ultimately, the kind of life you will have.

"I am by nature a dealer in words, and words are the MOST powerful drug known to humanity" -Rudyard Kipling 

All of Your Effort-- Letting Go of the Past

“I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us...” -Philippians 3:13b-14 (NLT)

When it comes to letting go of the past, we may tend to think that it

involves some sort of one-time ritualistic amount of effort--and POOF-- all of our past regrets, mistakes, losses, etc. will be no more. But more often than not, letting go of the past requires more than a one-time choice. In fact, letting go of the past usually requires a daily and conscious decision, dedication, and effort on our part. We must be conscious that we are choosing to let go, and we must put in a certain amount of effort to actually do so. Notice in the above verse I shared from Philippians 3:13 that the Apostle Paul said, "I am putting ALL my energy into this one thing: Forgetting the Past and looking forward to what lies ahead." He didn't say "some" effort, he didn't say "a little effort, but only when I feel like it" he said "ALL" of his effort. And I've come to realize that the same is required of any of us who desire to let go of the past. It takes all of our effort to make the choice to let go and put in the work to controlling our thoughts in doing so.

Now for those of you who already know the Apostle Paul's story, you can only imagine just how difficult letting go of the past must have been for him. And for those of you who don't know, I'll give you a quick re-cap: Paul (formerly known as “Saul”) went around most of his life searching to have Christians (anyone spreading the message and gospel of Christ) killed. One day Paul was given a major and miraculous revelation from God that transformed his life and his viewpoint of Jesus and His disciples (see Acts 9 & 10 to read the whole story). Saul, now transformed by God’s love and mercy became known as Paul. From this point forward Paul dedicated his life to spreading the gospel of Christ so much so that he was often times imprisoned and faced death for his new beliefs; much of the New Testament he wrote is historically believed to have been written from prison cells. Can you imagine the struggle he must have faced knowing he had been responsible for hundreds of God’s people being killed? He had to put ALL of his effort into letting go of the past—and it was likely a daily effort to remind Himself to let go, to know that He has been forgiven, that God had new plans and a new future in store for Him, and that despite his past, God was still going to use him in a big way. In fact, Paul’s past made his story all the more powerful testament of God’s love, goodness, grace, and transformative, Almighty power.

Now while you may or may not be able to relate to Paul's story, chances are if you've lived here on this earth long enough, you have your own share of regrets, losses, or pains that are dragging you down by bringing your past into the present. For those of you struggle with the past, my word of encouragement to you is this: Put all of your effort into letting go. How do you do that? Here are a few tips I’ve found to be helpful in letting go of the pain of the past:

1. Make The Decision that you are no longer going to allow your past to pull you down. You can’t let go until you’ve made the conscious decision that you are actually going to let go. Life is too short to live in regret, remorse, or constant and unnecessary pain—make the choice to let it go.

2. Once you’ve chosen to make a deliberate and conscious EFFORT in letting go of the past, also know that you’re probably going to struggle every now-and-again with pesky thoughts of the past trying to pull you down. Whenever you get those pesky, pestering thoughts of the past, it’s important to:

First, recognize them for what they are (thoughts of the past that are going to make you feel badly and which often do not accurately represent the truth of reality) and

Secondly, immediately change your focus by doing one of the following:

A) Change your focus from the past pains to all of the brightness and joy that your future has in store. Write out goals, cut out pictures of things you'd like to do or places you'd like to go. Keep the vision alive of all the exciting possibilities the future could hold. The possibilities are endless!

B) Remind yourself of all of God's promises of who he has made you to be. Remember that you are forgiven (Acts 13:38, Colossians 3:13), loved more than you could possibly know (John 3:16, Romans 8:37-38), and that God's plans for you are for good and not evil, to prosper you not to harm you, to give you a hope and a wonderful, bright future (Jeremiah 29:11).

C) Ask God to help you let go. His word tells us that "he is more than happy to help you when you struggle and are tempted" (1 Corinthians 10:13) and that when we ask, we shall receive anything in line with His will. I don't believe God wants you living in past pain, I believe He wants the very best for you and part of that includes living a life free of the past. Ask God to help you let go and He surely will.

D) Thank God in advance for His healing and help. This might be a tough one because when you're experiencing pain, thanking God is one of the last things you want to do. But the Bible is repeatedly clear of the power of praise, especially when things look bleak and hopeless. Praise God in the midst of your pain and thank Him for the help that's already on its way. I promise you will be setting the stage for miracles to occur in your life when you do this. 

I hope you'll remind yourself of these things when needing to let go of the past, and I hope this post has helped shift your focus. Know you are not alone in your struggles, and that every temporary trial or setback you face is really just a stepping stone on the road to greatness if you learn to have the right attitude; whatever the circumstance.

Wishing you all lots of love, peace, and joy at thoughts of the bright future that awaits you.

Wishing You Peace & Endless Love

-Brigitte

Get HAPPY!

In addition to what I mentioned in my last post, there are several powerful yet simple, easy, and effective things you can begin doing to reduce the stress and sorrow in your life--and help you maintain a positive outlook on life. If you’re feeling stressed by your life, depressed and discourage, and feel as if there is nothing good to focus on, then I have some tips that are clinically proven to change the way you think, feel, and perceive. Follow these tips, and I promise you will notice a drastic change in the way your productivity levels, energy levels, as well as the way you think, feel, and act! Not surprisingly, these tips which have been scientifically proven to raise happiness levels are also biblical truths that wisely advise us as to how to live our best, most fulfilling, joy-filled, and productive life! (Just as God intended it!) Next to each tip I’ve included the scriptural reference just in case you’d like to refer to it.

1. Practice gratitude.Make a gratitude list. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for drastically improves your mind frame. Write down at least 3 new things you have to be grateful for each morning, and review and meditate on it at night (See Psalm 92:2, Ephesians 5:20, 1 Thessalonians 5:18).

“Every morning tell Him, ‘Thank you for your kindness,’and every evening rejoice in all his faithfulness” (Psalm 92:2).

“Always give thanksto God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus” (Ephesians 5:20).

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

2. Pray or Meditate.Studies show prayer and meditation increase left prefrontal cortex growth and strengthening in the brain. The left prefrontal cortex just so happens to be the part of our brain most responsible for our happiness levels. Prayer and meditation also promotes a sense of peace and focus in the midst of a bustling world (See Philippians 4:6). Meditation is a powerful tool in calming the brain and promoting well-being, but even more so when the focus of the meditation is Love.

“Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything and with Thanksgiving make your requests known to God" (Philippians 4:6).

3. Do a random act of kindness. There's a part of the brain which is stimulated (it's known as the vagus nerve--often reffered to as "the nerve of compassion")  and promotes the release of endorphins when we do an act of kindness towards another individual, or even witness someone doing something kind for someone else. (The Bible is FULL of scriptures encouraging acts of kindness, generosity, love, and selflessness. It’s no wonder God instructs us to live this way: Not only does being kind and generous make us happier, but there is a law of reciprocity, or “sowing and reaping”—others may know it as “karma” –which occurs when we choose to give out of love and generosity. (Please don't be mistaken, being generous doesn't just mean giving all of your money away! You can be generous with the time that you give even if it means doing something as simple as lending someone a helping hand with loading groceries in their car or even striking up a conversation with someone at lunch who always sits alone--kindness does not have to relate to giving soley of your money--it comes in all shapes and forms). This means when you are kind to others, you are blessed for it. See Proverbs 22:9, Luke 6:38, Philippians 2:4, James 2:17, Matthew 25:35-40, 1 John 3:17, Luke 6:35)

“The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor” (Proverbs 22:9).

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38).

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great” (Luke 6:35).

4. Live in Love.Promote love and act out of love in your life, rather than hate or bitterness. Forgive. People who love and forgive have shown to be healthier, more positive, optimistic, and even have a lower blood pressure and a lower likelihood of becoming sick from a chronic illness. (Another thing God’s word is adamant about is LOVE. Love is the bottom line, the essential, and the main purpose and reason for our faith. See John 15:12, John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:8, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:14, Matthew 6:14, Ephesians 4:32).

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

‘Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:8).

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of faults” (1 Peter 4:8).

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

5. Exercise. It releases endorphins and promotes a sense of productivity and healthy self-esteem. It just so happens to release a chemical in our bodies known as PEA (or Phenethylamine--the same chemical released after sex and in chocolate). Although the Bible doesn’t say that much about physical fitness, it does talk about taking care of our bodies because they are a temple (see 1 Corinthians 3:17) Now more than ever physical exercise has become necessary to staying healthy because of the fast-paced, yet sedentary lifestyle we live.

6. Journal. Journaling about 1 positive thing you've experienced in the past 24 hours allows you to relive it (This comes back to focus—see Philippians 4:8).

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil. 4:8).