Love is a Drug... Use Wisely!

In my book, TNT: Teenage Transformation, Part 1: Dating, one of

the things I talk about is how one of the aspects of being in love is based on a chemical dependency for the person of our interest. Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin. Our brains reward us with these pleasure hormones whenever we think of, or spend time with this person, and can therefore cause us to become chemically addicted to that person! Crazy, huh?

Even thinking of the person who we admire, like, or love causes our brains to release all kinds of feel-good hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

There’s one hormone in particular that can cause some serious emotional damage if not properly managed or kept in its place. This hormone is called Oxytocin, and it’s released after any kind of physical or emotional intimacy, with its largest amounts released after sex. It’s been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because the surge of pleasure that Oxytocin causes is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin has been referred to by many scientists and doctors as the body’s own “love drug” or “love potion” because its pleasure release is similar to that of taking heroin or cocaine!

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to. Women in particular need to be on guard of who they may become attached to, because while Oxytocin enhances the bonding and attachment levels in men 5 times their normal level after sleeping with someone, the bonding and attachment levels of women increase 12 times their normal level after sleeping with someone! Oxytocin is the reason why women typically become more attached after sex than men do. Not to say that men don’t experience attachment, it’s just that the attachment is much stronger in women than it is in men. To me, the bonding effects of Oxytocin is just scientific proof of the verses in the ancient biblical texts of Mark and Genesis when it says that "the two become one" (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2:24) in marriage, or after sex.  Sex is a uniting experience.

 

Oxytocin is the reason why it’s possible to become chemically addicted to another person, and therefore the reason why we should be careful of whom we become “addicted” to.

When it comes down to it, love and sex are really like a drug. They both cause our bodies to release feel good hormones just like that of an actual drug. And therefore, just like any other drug, love can have its side effects if not used with wisdom, caution, and in the proper context. Columnist, Nicole Hoelle explains the possible side-effects of this “love drug:”

“The combination of these chemicals can be particularly disruptive if there isn’t any sort of solid relationship in place. [The woman is] left flooded with chemicals which cause her to yearn for and crave this man, and even become obsessed. If the craving is not satisfied, she “crashes” and undergoes symptoms similar to those of a drug addict’s withdrawal, including depression, agitation, anxiety, irritability and despair [...] Left with an enormous emotional and physical desire for someone she cannot have, her mind and body thrown into a state of unbalance the woman only wants is to have her craving satisfied, and this can cause her to experience the symptoms, according to Dr. Helen Fisher (of Rutgers University), of someone with ‘mental illness’” (Hoelle).

The “side effects” of this “love drug,” included attachment, and possible emotional instability if a committed relationship is not set in place.

  

As you can see, the side effects of this love drug can be particularly harmful and disruptive if a committed relationship is not set in place. It’s something you might want to consider the next time you’re contemplating “casual” copulation, or sleeping with someone with whom you’re not quite sure where the relationship is going. In doing so, you could save yourself a lot of wasted time and heart-break by choosing to be wise with how you use this “love drug.”

As always, I hope you found that post useful and I wish you all a wonderful week! Take care everyone, and use your “love drug” wisely! ;-)

For more info on “The Science of Love” and how to make wise dating decisions, pick up a copy of my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation—Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!

Photo from Karen Salmansohn’s Instant Happy

Fight the "ANT's" With "TNT!"

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

 

Spiritual warfare is a part of life that all people should be aware of, especially if you are a Christian. The Bible tells us that there are powers at work that are constantly trying to bring us down and cause us harm. Now, as scary or bizarre as that may sound to some of you, there is good news--there is also a power at work so much stronger and greater that is fighting for us on our behalf, and that is far greater than any force of darkness positioned against us.

Spiritual warfare is a battle of the mind.

In the Bible we are told that it is the enemy's goal is to cause as much harm to humanity because he is jealous that God would so lovingly call humans His children and be willing to die for them. The attempted harm starts by an attack on our thoughts through getting us to believe things about ourselves or our lives which are simply not true. You see, spiritual warfare begins in the mind. The enemy knows that if he can get our thoughts off track by distorting our self-image through feeding us lies, that we will be more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits. Some of the most common lies the enemy attempts to feed us are things like, "You're not good enough (pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, etc.)" or "You'll never make it anywhere," or "Nobody likes you, nobody cares, you're just worthless and ugly!" Talk about negative, huh! But surprisingly, we sometimes take those lies our brains feed us and interpret them as true--even when they are not. And our beliefs about ourselves and those around us can have tremendous implications on the way we live, because the way we perceive ourselves is affects all of our actions and decisions.

 

We will be more prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits if our self-image is distorted and our thinking is off-balance.

You don't have to take my word to know what I’m professing is true. Just take a look at the statistics of how many people die each year because of drug overdose, alcohol poisoning, STD's, or suicide. It is clear that there is a force at work attempting to bring harm upon humans; call it our own tendency to have a self-destructive human nature, call it spiritual warfare—but the truth is it exists. And the internal battle we face begins with what beliefs we allow into our minds.

The battle we face begins with what beliefs we allow into our minds.

If you still aren’t convinced about the battle which occurs in our minds, you can take a look to science as your proof. Dr. Daniel Amen, clinical neuropsychologist, founder of the Amen Clinic, and author of the Best-selling book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, explains that that "ANT's" or "Automatic Negative Thoughts" are negative thoughts that our brains have a natural tendency to automatically and systematically generate. The good news, Amen says, is that we can talk back to those negative thoughts and get rid of them by replacing them with positive thoughts instead.

Believing “ANTs” (Automatic Negative Thoughts) makes us prone into giving into self-destructive tendencies and habits.

 

Think of spiritual warfare as tuning into a radio station. There is a positive frequency of truth and goodness, which inspires us to be the best version of ourselves and live life to its fullest. And, there is a negative frequency that feeds us lies and evokes feelings of suffering, sorrow, loss, and inadequacy. This negative station can cause us to choose a path of self-destruction. If we truly believe we are ugly and unlovable, we will go through life searching for love and human approval in places that may lead us down very harmful paths. If we believe that we are unsuccessful, stupid, or a loser, we will live and act in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. But, if we believe that we have the ability to succeed, triumph over circumstances, that we are loveable, and beautiful in our own way, then we will live a life that is in accordance with success, striving to be the best we can be, and living to our full potential. Are you beginning to see how important our self-beliefs are?

Monitoring what we believe to be true is important, because will live and act in a way that is in accordance with those beliefs. The Bible tells us that, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes” (Proverbs 23:7). Think about what that means for a moment. This Proverb is telling us that what we believe about ourselves, what we hold to be true about ourselves, actually determines what kind of person we become.

This is why the enemy attempts to attack our thoughts more than anything else. If we can buy into the lies that are an attempt to destroy and bring us down, then we are in a vulnerable position. We place ourselves in the position where we will buy into the idea that we need to find fulfillment in temporary, yet highly destructive pleasures like drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, etc.

This is why God’s word wisely instructs to: “Guard your heart, because everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV). This verse is saying that we must guard what we perceive to be true, because what we perceive to be true affects every single decision we make.

We must guard what we perceive to be true, because what we perceive to be true affects every single decision we make.

The Bible tells us that in order to win the battle, we have to be on guard not to feed into the lies (or “ANT’s”) (1 Peter 5:8), and that we must learn to combat and replace these lies with God's positive truths of who He has created us to be. In fact, the best way to combat the “ANTs” is by fighting them with what I like to call “TNT” or “Transformative New Thoughts!” We are instructed throughout scripture to “Be transformed by the renewing of [our] minds” (Romans 12:2), and that transformation occurs when we renew our minds with the TRUTH of who God has created us to be! Below I’ve included only a few of some “TNT’s” that you can read through, meditate on, and speak ALOUD so that you may affirm to yourself and re-program your mind on what is TRUE! God's word tells us that we his beloved children, that we are beautiful in his sight, that we are his masterpiece in the making! Those are the wonderful terms that our Creator saw fit to label you with! Those are the kinds of thoughts and truths that will help you combat and defeat any negative lies you may face.

Take the time to fill your mind with these positive truths by reminding yourself of who our Creator says you are, re-program your mind onto the truth of how our Savior sees you:

You are a child of God (see 1 Peter 1:23).

You are forgiven of all of your sins and washed clean (Eph. 1:17, 1 John 1:9, Heb. 9:14, Col. 1:14).

You are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

You have been blessed (Gal. 3:9, Deut. 28:2).

You have been set free (John 8:31-33).

You are strong in the Lord (Eph. 6:10).

You are accepted by Christ (Eph. 1:6).

You are blameless in His sight (Eph. 1:4)

You are more than a conqueror In Christ, and overwhelming victory is yours. (Rom. 8:37)

You are loved and forgiven by him (John 3:16, 1 Peter 5:7)

You are His masterpiece and workmanship (Eph. 2:10)

If you’ve found any of what you read helpful or encouraging, or want to read more “TNT’s” you can read more in my book TNT: TeeNage Transformation –ExplosiveIdeas That Will Blow Your Mind And Change Your Life Forever!

Finding Your God-Given Purpose

You were created with a purpose. You have been uniquely and specifically shaped to fulfill a task that only your unique design can accomplish.

Why then does it seem that so many people drift through life not feeling as if it has any meaning? Or they struggle on a day to day basis living pedal to the metal just trying to make it through to the next day?

The answer could possibly be that we have become so preoccupied with what society tells us we should do, that we never have time to fully develop, discover, or unleash our full God-given talents and abilities. I know especially for young adults just exiting high school there is a pressure to immediately delve into being a full-time student or employee—thus never having the time to truly discover what our purpose here in this world is.  It’s as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

You were created with a purpose. You have been uniquely and   specifically shaped to fulfill a task that only your unique design can   accomplish.

Another problem preventing us from discovering our full-potential could be that we are looking to the wrong source to discover what our purpose is. We tend to look to ourselves, asking questions like, “What do I want to do?" and, "What do I want to be?” There’s nothing wrong with that, but those kinds of questions may not be most beneficial when seeking to find our true purpose and hidden potential. Rather than looking to ourselves, it is best to look to the One who created us to discover the unique and amazing plan He has purposed us for. I like the way Rick Warren phrased it in his #1 New York Times Best Seller, “The Purpose Driven Life,” when he said, “You didn’t create yourself, so there is no way you can tell yourself what you were created for!” In other words, looking within ourselves to discover our purpose is like a pot telling the potter what it was created for. How can the creation tell the Creator what its purpose was intended for?

In the same way, we cannot discover our true potential and purpose by ourselves. The way we discover our purpose here on earth is to simply ask the One who created us! The Bible tells us that, “If you want to know what God wants you to do, [simply] ask him, and he will gladly tell you …” (James 1:5 LB).

To discover our God-given purpose all we have to do is ask! Once you do that, I guarantee you will begin to see your life led in ways like never before. Doors will open, things will be revealed, life will have meaning and purpose, and things in general will make a whole lot more sense! Discovering our purpose (asking God to reveal our purpose to us) is important because it gives our lives meaning unlike anything else in the world. I know for myself, as much as I enjoy hobbies such as playing the piano or exercising, nothing gives me more joy and fulfillment than writing does! I know it’s what my purpose is, and it gives me a feeling unlike any other. For others, they may be purposed to make music, dance, create beautiful pieces of artwork for others to enjoy, or compete in athletics—whatever it may be, we are all uniquely and specifically purposed and designed for something! (Something that will bring both you and those around you absolute joy!) Discovering and reaching towards accomplishing our purpose and unlocking any hidden talents and abilities brings a joy and satisfaction to life like nothing else! So start living on-purpose today! J

“If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you.” -James 1:5 (LB)

God Knows Best

“Who can know the LORD's thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” -1 Corinthians 2:16, Romans 11:24

I had a revelation this morning when I was cooking myself some breakfast. As usual, my fluffy little Maltese toy poodle was eagerly watching me hoping for a piece of food to drop to the floor. I looked at her beady little eyes and said, “No Belle, you can’t have any. It will make you sick!” As I sat down to eat, Belle followed me, eyes fixed on my food as she groaned, begged, barked, and made puppy eyes at me. “No Belle,” I said. I looked at her round little fluffy face and said, “Belle, do you know how much I love you?  I can’t give this to you because it’s not good for you.” Just then it hit me. There have been countless times where I have groaned, begged, and even cried to God over something I desperately wanted, and which I would get frustrated when I didn’t get.

My puppy could never fully comprehend how much I love her. She knows she is loved because she is fed, groomed, and well taken care of. But her little puppy brain could never grasp the full extent of just how much we care about her. I realized at that moment, that it is the same with us and God. We could never fully grasp the extent of His love for us—it is just too great for our human minds to comprehend. And when He does not grant us certain requests, He does it for our own good. He’s not doing it to be mean! He has a reason for it—and a good one too!

When we think we really want or need something, just like my puppy really wanted my food, we may fail to realize that if God withholds something from us, that it is after our best interest. Just as I would not give my precious little pup any food that would make her sick, sometimes the Lord withholds certain things from us because He doesn’t want us becoming spiritually, emotionally, or mentally sick. He wants the very best for us—and often times the things we ask for, although we may think are the best, are not really the very best.  I want to encourage you by letting you know that if there is something that you have been praying for, begging for, asking for, pleading for, and have not yet seen an answer to—consider this: That God wants the absolute best for you, and that maybe what you are asking for is not the very best of what He has in store for you. I challenge you to start asking God to show you what He wants for your life, and to help you let go of anything that may not be the very best for your life. I pray that He grants you the patience to hold out for His very best, and to also gain the wisdom to discern the best from the not-so-good things of what He has in store for your life. One of my favorite things to say is, “Never settle for less because you’re too afraid to hold out for God’s best.” Keep patiently waiting, and God will bless you with His very best!

Remind yourself of Isaiah 55:9, where God tells us that “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways HIGHER (better, more wonderful) than YOUR ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

His thoughts and plans toward us far surpass anything we could have thought up or planned on our own. Remember that His thoughts and plans for us are so much greater than we can even imagine! Trust in Him, because He wants the very best for you! J

TNT Quote of the Day

"When you feel like parts of your life are falling apart, it’s because you are in the demolition stage of the re-construction process of your life. God is preparing to build something much better in your life than what was there before.” –Dr. Bruce Bell

“I am making all things new.” -Jesus (Revelation 21:5)

 

 

From TNT: TeeNage Transformation --Explosive Ideas That Will Blow Your Mind and Change Your Life Forever!!

Be Patient

"Even miracles take time." -From Cinderella

Many times in life when we expect things to go a certain way--according to our planned timing--and when they don't, we become disappointed. Sometimes we fail to realize that certain things take time, and if we have the expecation of things working out at an unrealistically fast pace, it can lead to disappointment if we don't have the right attitude of patience. One of the greatest virtues when it comes to dealing with situations that seem to be dragging out too long, is patience. Patience is crucial because there are inevitable times in life when plans get delayed or hopes become temporarily deffered.

There may be areas of your life right now where you are waiting--waiting to get called back from a job, waiting for God to provide you with an answer to a prayer, waiting to be delivered from a certain situation you don't have control over, but must instead practice patience with. Waiting can be difficult, but I've found that immersing yourself in positive activities as well as God's word, can help the wait seem less like a wait and more like an enjoyable time.
I love what it says in Psalm 37:34 (TLB): "Don't be impatient for the Lord will act! Keep traveling steadily along his pathway and in due season He will honor you with every blessing."

Be Persistant in Prayer

 In the last post I talked about the power of prayer, and the importance of reminding yourself of God's promises when you don't see immediate answers. Today, I want to discuss the importance of being persistant in prayer. One of my favorite verses is one in which Jesus is teaching His disciples how to pray, and to be persistant in prayer. In Luke 11:5-13 He says this:

“Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need."

 How cool is that! Jesus is saying that if you don't get an answer to your prayers, keep persisting, and you will get what you asked for just because of your persistance! He continues on to say,

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

If sinful, imperfect human beings know how to give good things to their children, just imagine how much more God wants to give to you! If you have a child then you know the depth of love that you have for them. You want the very best for them. God is the same way. We are His children, and He wants the very best for each of our lives. Don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate answers to your prayers; keep persisting and you will surely see God's blessings flow into your life!

The Power of Prayer

Sometimes we may get discouraged when we don't see immediate answers to our prayers. We may even feel hopeless or disappointed when it seems as if so much time has passed yet situations which we have prayed for repeatedly, appear to remain the same. It is in these moments that we must remind ourselves that "God works in ways we cannot see." Just because it may appear as if nothing is occuring in the physical realm, does not mean that God isn't working on your behalf in the spiritual realm--or "behind the scenes" of things. Isaiah 59:1 assures us, "The LORD is not too weak to save you, and He is not becoming deaf. He can hear you when you call.”
In situations where there is nothing you can PHYSICALLY do to change circumstances; Pray, and turn to God in the midst of any difficulty. The Bible tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6). In the midst of our difficulties, anxieties, worries, or concerns, we are to pray and plead with God with thanksgiving and gratitude knowing that He will pull through.  Prayer is Powerful and you WILL see an answer. The answer may not come immediatley, but it will come at God's perfect timing. Don't get discouraged if it seems as if your prayers are not being answered. If you don't see an immediate answer to your prayers, remember the ways in which God answers:
1) Yes, and here's more!
2) Yes, I thought you'd never ask! ("You dont have because you don't ask" -James 4:2)
3) Yes, but wait; my timing is perfect. (Psalm 18:30, Ecclesiastes 3:11)
or 4) No, I love you too much, I have something EVEN BETTER in store for you.

God answers prayers that are in alignment with His will (1 John 5:14). His answers may not always be "yes," but they are always after our best interest. How encouraging is it to know that the God of the Universe is after YOUR BEST INTEREST! He wants the very best for you! So don't get discouraged when it seems as if your prayers are not being answered. Instead, get excited knowing God is doing a whole lot of work "behind the scenes;" and that whatever the outcome may be, it will be for your own good!
Joshua 21:45 tells us, "Not a single one of all the good promises the LORD had given to the family of Israel was left unfulfilled; everything He had spoken came true." We can trust that God's promises towards us are true. History and experience confirm it. So when you feel discouraged because your prayers don't seem to be answered, remind yourself of the ways in which God answers, and the promises He has made us about prayer: "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, He hears us." -1 John 5:14

Below are some really awesome and encouraging verses on the power of prayer that you can meditate on to remind yourself the power God has to answer your prayers.

"We know he hears us when we make our requests." -1 John 5:15

"I cried out to the LORD, and he answered me." -Psalm 3:4

"Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I." -Isaiah 58:9


 "Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
-Matthew 7:7

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” -Matthew 21:22

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." -Mark 11:24 

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." -John 14:13-14

 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7