Letting Go of the "Unchangeable"

I was contemplating this morning how in the past I've tried so hard to change things in my life that couldn't be changed, and how much I've resisted those unchangeable things without simply "letting things be." This led me to realize that in life there are things you can control, and things you can't control, and what will determine your altitude is your ability to let go of the things you can't control, and focus your energy on what you DO have the power to change. 

I asked myself the question, "What are you going to do with what you've been given?"

We've all been dealt certain "cards" but in life, and it's not a matter of what cards you've been dealt but how well you learn how to play them. 

I've learned that in life, there are things we can change, and there are things we can't change. Don't waste all of your time trying to change things that can't be changed! Instead focus and invest your energy on the things you CAN change--and work on that. You may not always be able to control what happens to you, but you most certainly can control how you react to what happens to you. Or as one of my favorite quotes says, "You may not be able to change the winds of adversity, you can however, change the direction of your sails." 

If you're struggling in life with letting go of all the "unchangeable" and are spending too much time investing all of your energy and emotions on things you can't change, then I strongly encourage you to do this exercise: 

• Take a piece of paper, and draw a line down the middle. 
• On one side, write: "Things I can't Change" and make a list of all of the things in your life that you can't change and that you have no control over. 
• On the other side of the paper, write: "Things I CAN Change" and make a list of all the things that you CAN change. I think you'll find you have control and the power to change a lot more than you thought you could! Your attitude and your mindset (whether it is one of gratitude or complaint), have A LOT to do with the way your life is right now. So if you don't like your EXTERNAL conditions, it's time to grab a hold of what's going on inside your mind (Your INTERNAL conditions)  in order to accomplish any change and see the results in your physical world! (P.S. Don't forget to write down on your list of things you can change your amazing ability to self-improve! Change yourself and you change [your/the] world!

Making this kind of list is SO important because it puts us in a state of accountability. Once we realize how great our power to evoke change in our lives truly is, it becomes apparent that the undesirable circumstances in our life that we once blamed on "the Universe," or a higher power, or even other people is really within our power to change--instead of being able to blame someone or something for the way things are, we become accountable for our thoughts, words, and actions that created the results we're complaining about! 

I'd like to share one thing that was on my list of "Things I Can Change." It was my

attitude. I think this is the biggest issue I've struggled with in the past, and looking back on my life now I think of all the time I spent suffering, complaining, crying, and whining about things I thought could have been better or different in my life, only to come to realize that all that time I spent unhappy about my circumstances was time and energy WASTED on the "unchangeable," when I could have CHOSEN to change my focus, and spend that time being happy instead! I finally made a shift in my thoughts when I realized that time spent in remorse, anger, regret, or dwelling on loss is time WASTED! And life is far too short to waste any time on those kinds of negative emotions. Life is short, so choose to change your focus, let go of the unchangeable, and as a result: BE HAPPY! 

Now that you've made your list of what is within your power to change for the better, I'd like to ask you again, "What are you going to do with what you've been given?" ;-)

I wish you all a lovely and abundant week! Love you all! xx

Don't Worry, Be Content!

"Godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6 

I was running around this week working and thinking about how I could be doing more, things I could buy, goals I could accomplish,

when I realized that I was allowing my mind to be completely run by all of these things. I suddenly stopped for a moment and felt the words, "Brigitte, when will you learn to be content with what you have?" spoken over my heart. I felt a bit startled because I knew it was true. I've had a problem with simply being content in the moment and appreciating all that I have, right now, at this moment. And it's a command God's given us all throughout the Bible: "Keep Yourselves free from the love of money and be content with what you have. For God has said, 'Never will I leave you, Never will I abandon you" (Hebrews 13:5).  We are even told that "godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6). 

So we are told that godliness, with contentment, brings about gain and blessing in our lives. But what do "godliness," and "contentment" really mean?  

Godliness could be described as a devotion to God. As being completely God-centered, seeking Him, wanting His will, loving Him, obeying Him, worshiping Him, and striving to live a life that is honoring and pleasing to him. In the dictionary it's described as "conforming to the laws and wishes of God." 

And what about contentment? Contentment is described as "being satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else" or, "the state of feeling or being satisfied, ease of mind."

So when you are content, you are satisfied. 

When you are content, you don't feel the need to have more. You are happy, fulfilled, and satisfied right where you are in that moment. 

The apostle Paul tells in Philippians 4:11 that he "learned to be content in whatever circumstances [he was in]." He goes on to say, "I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need."
He learned how to be content whatever the circumstances were. And he's a great example because I believe an attitude of contentment and gratitude is what God wants for each of us. 

If you're struggling with contentment, and worrying about your life, about how you will pay for things, about what you will eat, wear, or do with your life, then I want to share this verse with you to remind you just how much God loves and cares for you. There is no need to worry or obsess over these things, all we need to do is simply learn to be content, because God has already promised that he would "satisfy all your needs according to his riches in the glory of Yeshua The Messiah" (Philippians 4:19). I encourage you to go through the following scripture and allow each word and phrase to permeate your mind, allowing you to know in your heart it's truth in knowing that God will always provide for you: 

"Do not to worry about your life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet even Solomon (the richest man to ever live) in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today" (Matthew 6:25-34 NLT)

I hope you found that encouraging! I know I always do! I wish you all a wonderful week of fulfillment, satisfaction, contentment, and gratitude! Peace & Love to you all! xo


"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." -1 Timothy 6:6-11 

The Tetris Effect & The Power of Focus: What We Look For is What We See

I've been reading Sean Achor's, The Happiness Advantage and have been loving every bit of what I've been learning...

I wanted to share with you this interesting psychological phenomenon that Achor refers to in his book as "The Tetris Effect." It got it's name after a group of research participants played the addictive game "Tetris" for several hours for 3 days in a row. The results were somewhat startling, as the participants began seeing every aspect of their lives as one big Tetris game. Whether they were looking at the empty space in between sky scrapers, a brick wall, or the items in their grocery cart--every aspect of everyday living was a Tetris game to them. And the reason for this is because they had conditioned their minds to act a certain way while playing Tetris, and were inadvertently carrying out that same thought pattern in their normal lives as well.   

The participants had programmed their minds to fill in empty spaces, and were therefore seeing an opportunity to do so in every aspect of their lives. However, this principle of neural-programming applies to anything we choose to invest our time and focus on. 

You see, our brain acts as a neural “spam filter” constantly scanning the world to decide what information it should keep and process, and what information it should disregard or “delete” based on how we've “programmed” our brains. For example, if an individual has “programmed,” or trained, their brain to filter out the positive—just as our spam filter would automatically eliminate any junk e-mail, then the brain will act in the same way—automatically filtering out perceivable positive experiences because it has been trained or programmed to scan and search for only the negative.

 Sound a little weird? Well, try this:

In 10 seconds try to find as many brown-colored objects as possible. Ready? Go!

Finished?

Okay now, without looking around the room again, tell me all the blue things that you saw.

Chances are you’re not able to recollect seeing any blue objects, or at least not nearly as many brown objects that you saw.

And why is that? Because you saw what you looked for and the rest you dismissed.  

Achor writes, “Instead of creating a cognitive pattern that looks for negatives and blocks success, [we must] train our brains to scan the world for the opportunities and ideas that allow our success rate to grow.”

I hope you found that post interesting or inspiring, and as always I wish you all a wonderful week! 

If you’d like to see for yourself a demonstration on the power of 

selective attention then be sure to check out this video J

For more examples of the Power of Focus, and what you can do to shift your attention in the right direction, be sure to check out my post, "It's All About Focus!" 

He Knows Your Heart

I learned a cool fact from watching the documentary “I AM” (one I HIGHLY recommend). The diastole (the pause in-between heartbeats) as shown in an EKG (electrocardiogram) reveals A LOT of information, even to the point of conveying what kind of emotional state we are in! (See pic).

This fact reminded me of the Psalm where David sang: “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:1-4, 13-19).

How wonderful it is that God knows us better than we know ourselves! That He understands us; our deepest thoughts, emotions, and feelings on a level that we don’t even understand! I just thought that was so cool to know that even in the pauses in-between my heart-beats, God knows what I am feeling and thinking—how awesome is that! :-)

Don’t Let Fear to Hold You Back: How Acknowledging Fear Could be the Key to Fulfilling your Dreams, Attaining Goals, and Living a Life That is Truly Fulfilling

Many people live their lives in constant fear, and more often than not, they do so unconsciously and unintentionally! They don’t even realize that it is fear that’s holding them back! Fear holds us back from doing what we love and what we are meant to do, and this post will help you discover what kinds of fear may be limiting you and what you can do to exterminate the fears and live your fullest, most satisfying life. Take a look at some of the most common fears and see if you’ve ever fallen victim to allowing them to have any control in your life:

Fears are limiting beliefs that inhibit us from taking action and reaching our fullest potential.

1.       Fear of Pain/ disappointment

Number one on the list is the fear of pain or disappointment. Sometimes we don’t pursue certain things in life because we’re too afraid that if we don’t get the results we want, hope, or expect, that we will be hurt or disappointed. Pain and disappointment happen in life regardless of whether we pursue our dreams or not, the only difference is that while pursuing your goals, the pain you experience teaches you how to get closer to that goal, rather than experiencing the pain and remorse of not having tried hard enough to accomplish them. The fear of pain is a common fear that prevents us from reaching our full potential. Sometimes we may distance ourselves from people, or avoid taking risks because we are afraid of being hurt by them.

2.       Fear of Rejection

Next on the list is fear of rejection, another common fear that occurs when we become worried that our ideas or our personality might be rejected by someone we admire, or even popular culture and society. When we think this way and become overly-concerned with what others may think of us—about whether or not they will reject us or accept us—we alter who we are to accommodate the needs and beliefs of what others think we should be, rather than just being ourselves. When this happens, we are allowing the fear of rejection to hold us back and prevent us from taking any real, authentic action, and we act in a way that is not true to who we really are.

3.       Fear Of Other People’s Opinions

Similar to the fear of being rejected, other times, people may allow the fear of what others might think of them to creep in, and as a result, they can’t even lift a finger without worrying what someone else is going to think about it. If that sounds like you, then you’ve allowed the fear of other’s opinion to paralyze you.  It’s important to recognize that you can’t please everyone. If you don’t have any opposition or people who disagree with you, then it means you’re probably trying very hard to please everyone and are therefore compromising who you really are to be a people-pleaser rather than your true and authentic self. What’s ironic is that people appreciate authenticity more than someone who tries to accommodate the needs of everyone yet is fake, inauthentic, or phony in their work, actions, and/or behavior.

4.       Fear Of “Standing Out,” Being Weird, Or “Different”

The fourth kind of fear occurs when we are afraid to “stand out” and be weird, different, or unique—when we become afraid to go against the status quo and not settle for conformity. When we become worried or preoccupied with the idea that we might be thought of as weird, we fear being out-casted and rejected (this links back to #2 and #3) and therefore are held back from being ourselves and living to be our true self. Fear is a form of self-centeredness and is ego-based, and this fear in particular is one of self-absorption because it is the misconception that we are so different and unique from everyone else that no one will be able to relate to us. The truth is that we have a lot more in common with others than we think, and when we are open and authentic with who we really are, people relate and connect with you. The truth is that there are groups of people just waiting for you to be authentic with the world, so that they can appreciate all the unique talents and gifts that you have to offer. If we are willing to break out of our shell and simply be ourselves, without the fear of being different, weird, or unaccepted, we will break this fearful mentality that holds us back and attract people and circumstances that are compatible and in-alignment with our unique individuality.

5.       Fear of Cost

When we have the fear of cost, we worry about things like, “How much time, energy, money, effort, and work is this going to cost me?” When we think these kinds of thoughts, we prevent ourselves from taking action out of fear that it will cost us something without realizing that the payoff in the end may be far greater than the temporary investment. This can apply to anything, like your health, relationships, or career. Any time you make an investment, it will cost you a certain amount of time, energy, or effort, but the thing to keep in mind is that any time you make an investment, if you invest wisely in things that are important to you and matter (like health, relationships, doing what you love, etc.) then there will be a pay-off on that investment.  

6.       Fear of Failure

The last kind of fear is the fear of failure. This one is huge because if you want to get anywhere in life, you’re going to have to realize

that there will be times that you will experience failure. This does not make you a failure; on the contrary you can use failure to your advantage. But many people succumb to the fear of failure and don’t make an effort to even try to attain their goals. Failure is actually how many of the greatest people came to be. Thomas Edison said, “I did not fail 1000 times at making a light bulb, I discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb.” Fear itself is ironic in the sense that it is the very things that we are fearful of that can end up being of most benefit to us when we make the conscious decision to use them to our advantage. We can use the very things we are afraid—like failure or rejection—and use that failure or rejection as fuel for reaching new heights and accomplishing new goals. We can channel our failures, rejections, pains, and losses use them for our benefit. I love what Sean Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage says: "The most successful people see adversity not as a stumbling block, but as a stepping-stone to greatness. Indeed, every failure is often the fuel for the very ideas that eventually transform industries, make record profits, and reinvent careers." 

Rather than allowing the things we are fearful of to hold us back, we can channel whatever it is that we are afraid of—failures, rejections, pains, and losses—and  use them to our advantage and good by using them as fuel to our fire and motivation to reach new heights.

As always, I hope you found this post interesting or encouraging, and I wish you all a wonderful week! J

Awakening Consciousness: How Transitioning Through Brain Waves Can Promote Creativity and Inspiration

I've been reading a book called Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration by Penny Peirce and have been learning some really interesting things about brain waves and their correlation to your levels of awareness and how learning to transition through these waves can bring you into heightened states of consciousness, awareness, and inspiration.

If you want your brain to function at it's best, if you want to enhance creativity, ideas, and inspired thought-flow, then you'll want to read this! :-) 

1. Beta Waves- The first are Beta waves--associated with high mental activity and engagement, as well as highly charged emotions such as fear, anger, arousal, etc. Beta waves correspond with a very low level of consciousness and are usually associated with very shallow, ego-based thinking.

2. Alpha Waves- Alpha waves occur when the brain is in a more relaxed and tranquil state, such as when you meditate, reflect, daydream, visualize, rest, spend time in nature, and exercise. In this state your brain becomes less worried, more open, and more aware of subtle information and new insights. Your brain is able to recall memories and develop a greater understanding of nature and your "true self," letting your ego die and becoming aware of your soul. When you take the time for self-reflection and your mind turns inward, you move from a state of Beta waves to the deeper alpha and theta waves, especially when you cut out external distractions (like turning off your cell phone, and getting into a quiet space for some alone time).

3. Theta Waves- Theta waves are associated with drowsiness, dreaming, the first stage of sleep, deep meditation, inspired creativity and imagination, and much slower than the two waves previously mentioned. Theta waves can put you in a trance-like state, where you lose track of time like when driving on the freeway or taking a long shower. In this state, free flowing ideas and visions come to mind, you become aware of suppressed ideas stored in your subconscious mind while in this state.

4. Delta Waves- The final waves are Delta brain waves and occur during sleep.

The reason I wanted to share this is because I feel it can be so easy to get caught up with living pedal-to-the-metal, non-stop, always caught up with the tasks of everyday life without taking the time to just relax, clear the mind, pray or meditate, exercise, or spend some time in nature. For your brain's sake, it's a good idea to take some time out for reflection, and peace and quiet without any distractions. You'll feel more creative, more inspired, more at peace, and you will have a healthier brain too! :-) 

The Purpose of Relationships: A Balancing Act of Support and Challenge

I had an interesting conversation today with someone who asked me, "What do you think the purpose of relationships are?" 

In my book, TNT: TeeNage Transformation, I talk about the purpose of dating and why it's important to know your reason for dating so you'll avoid wandering aimlessly through relationships and actually have a set goal in mind. (For example: Are you dating just to have fun? To seek out options for a possible future spouse? Do you hope to one day get married? These are all important things to consider to make sure you and your partner are on the same page!) 

But the purpose of relationships in general is a little different. Personally, I believe that relationships are meant to be a balance of both Challenge and Support. They are meant to challenge us into becoming better people, inspiring us to become the best version of ourselves, and push us to our limits of growth and reaching our full potential. I believe they are also meant to support and encourage us. It's important to have a relationship in which we feel we are being valued, acknowledged, cared for, and can have that "shoulder to cry on." In other words, someone to trust, confide in, and know that even if you share your deepest secrets with that person, that you will still be accepted by them. 

Take note though, that there MUST be a BALANCE of Challenge AND Support. If you have only support, neither individual is growing neither as a couple, nor individually. The relationship flat-lines because there's no challenge in helping the relationship grow, become stronger, better, and more intimate than it was before. Life thrives on contrasts, and it is no different in relationships.

However, if you have TOO much Challenge and not enough support; if there is constant strife and argumentativeness, if the moments where you get along as a couple are rare, then the relationship you have is dysfunctional and there's not really a point to staying in it if both of you are completely miserable!

So as I hope you can see, relationships are meant to be a balanced act of both Challenge & Support. 


I hope you found this post interesting or informative, and I'd LOVE to hear what YOUR perspective on the purpose of relationships is, so please feel free to comment below! 
Have a wonderful week everybody! :-) xoxo