Do Not Settle (The Problem with Settling)

In this post, I’m going to talk about settling. First off, I’d like to address: What does it mean to settle?

Settling means accepting significantly less than you want; because you don't think you can get what you want. There is an inherent fear that if you don't take what you're offered, then you'll wind up with nothing at all. This fear, though understandable, is an unnecessary belief and hindrance to the attainment of our heart’s true desires and goals. Choosing to “settle” by being in a relationship with someone who isn't right for you won't fulfill the emotional goals that make you want a relationship in the first place. Being in a relationship where you settle will prevent you from fulfilling those goals with other more appropriate, more compatible individuals.

Settling can also be defined as accepting the “good” rather than holding out for the “great.” Settling for something that is simply “good” is the choice you accept because you are afraid of pursuing, or have given up on pursuing, the greater choice.

So why do we settle?

Characteristics of people who settle are doubtful, impatient, lack commitment, and are fearful. As I briefly mentioned before, I believe one of the reasons people settle is because they lack four things:

1.       Faith

2.       Patience

3.       Commitment to the Attainment of our Desires

4.       Courage

We settle because we either don’t believe what we desire actually exists, or, that it exists, but it isn’t a reasonable desire or attainable for us to have.  We don’t believe the job, person, or life of our dreams is actually a possibility for us, and therefore we settle for less than what our heart truly desires. Another reason we may settle is because, while we may believe what we truly desire exists, we are unable to wait, or unwilling to put in the effort to achieve it. It’s one thing to believe that what we want exists, but it’s another to be willing to put in the patience or work to get it.

That’s where commitment comes in. Many people are only interested in attaining their heart’s desires, but they lack commitment. They may say they want something, but because they aren't committed to it, when the going gets tough, they give up. It takes a commitment and dedication to that goal to see it become a reality. People who are committed to something will do whatever they can in their power to make sure it becomes a reality. People who are interested will just do what's convenient, and come up with excuses when it isn't. Or in the words of Kenneth Blanchard: “There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results.”  In addition to staying committed to attaining our heart’s desires, we must get rid of any fear-driven thoughts and take the courageous action needed to attain our goals and dreams.

So what’s the big deal about settling? Why is it such a problem?

Well, it’s a problem because one of two things will happen when we settle: Either we will realize that what we settled for was not what our heart truly desired, and will feel discontent and disappointed with our choice later down the line. Secondly, the person or situation you settled for may leave you, and your self-esteem will suffer not only for having settled, but for being rejected/ let down by what you settled for. There's a joke where Groucho Marx is talking to a friend about marrying an unattractive mate, because a beautiful one could leave you. His friend then reminds him: "An ugly one could leave you too." 

The antidote? Don’t settle.

Don’t survive off of crumbs when you can have the whole cake. Don’t settle for less when you know

you are worthy of achieving more. In the words of Nelson Mandela: “There is no passion to be found in living a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Know what you want. Know your heart’s desires and pursue them relentlessly.